right this very second

Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.

XS - stressed and confused. There is school and friends and you. I feel like my head is cracking and breaking from all of the pressure and strain. I am over school, I just want a break, a holiday, rest. I am confused as to what to do. I'm confused about if you mean what you said. I don't know if you do care as much as you say you do. I don't know if you will put in the effort you said you would. So far I've been left hanging at my attempts. And I just don't know. Even when we try to work it out, afterwards, I am still left in the exact same headspace and confusion as before.
So please, just make it clear what you want, and tell me it, tell me what to do.

:/ - I'm happy sometimes, yet I am constantly numb or sad. It's a very disconcerting combination. When I spend time playing with Jasper, aquiring new bite marks all over my arms, having fun and just relishing in his youthful innocence and playful nature, I feel alive; I feel happy; I just forget about everything else and it's just him on my mind. It's really really nice to have him there to help me relax, it's what I missed about having pets the most.
And then there are all the other times when I am not with him. I have become so aggressive and stubborn and withdrawn. I'm constantly snapping at teachers and refusing to do my work. My road rage has gotten absolutely horrendous, I mean those cocksuckers are fucking disgraceful drivers but still, I used to be a lot better at controlling it. I am always feeling useless and all I want is for it all to be over. All I want is time out. A holiday. Time away from everything. To just drive away as far as I can go and never come back. It's so mixed up and confusing.
So these two, they can sum up my life right now just a tad I reckon