Just let me move on.

People who read my blogs, I'm sorry I'm dwelling again.

I'm trying to move on and get you out of my head.

I'm trying not to dwell and be happy.

I'm trying to get over you.

Well actually, not really you, just the concept of being in a relationship.

Because it's not really you that I miss.

It's that.

That security.

And I know that since losing that I lost my drive to get the help I was going to get and I need.
But I just have to forget about you, and get back to that frame of mind that I had.
Because I had been completely ready to tell them everything and get that help.

And yeah I do blame these happenings for changing that and making me so stubborn again,
But I have to - for my own good - move on and get back to that so that I can do it.

Since yesterday, I've also been trying to move past my hate for doctors so I can help them help me.

Because it's up to me.

Nobody else has that responsibility.

It's on my shoulders alone and I have to stop blaming everyone else.

I have to stop blaming people for my health issues.

I have to just stop and move on.

So I'm thinking of maybe just going to a completely different doctors office and completely new doctor instead.

Maybe that will make it easier.

I'm also not going to have mum there this time.

Or I might just go straight to where they'll send me.

But I have to.

I have to stop being lazy, get off my arse, stop dwelling is this self-pitiful shit, and do something about it.

Thankyou for saying what you did.
Even though I knew all that you said even before you said it,
I think that it helped to have it said by someone else as well.