might as well follow the trend for once

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.

1. You hurt me. You're still hurting me. But you don't even see it. You ask me what's wrong and to talk to you but how can I do that when you are the problem? How can I do that when the problem you don't want to fix, because you keep ignoring it? I can't. You have always said that you would do anything for me, that you would always be there for me; but when I needed you the most, you were nowhere to be found. I am the most miniscule amount possibly noticeable distance away from walking away from you, from walking away from us and just giving up.
I don't want to. Trust me I really don't.
I've been trying to for weeks and have only got myself stuck in this tug-of-war deep inside myself that is tearing me apart.

But I can't keep doing this to myself, I'm sorry.

2. I don't know if you are doing any of anything on purpose, if you ever have, but it seems you want to rub salt in my wounds. To me, it seems like that is what you are constantly doing and it hurts. It makes me need to punch something and shake with the emotions it all causes so bloody bad I almost burst. I have said bad things in relation to you, just as you have to me.

We have both hurt each other a lot and I understand if you don't want this;

But I want us to be able to leave our friendship on good terms, not bad ones.

I don't want there to be hard feelings or pain.

I didn't want any of this to happen and I am sorry.

3. You will always be my Dr Phil, as long as you want to be.

Thankyou for always being there for me to talk to, thankyou for never judging me.

I honestly wouldn't have survived this year so far without you. I know that for a fact.

I love you so much for all you have done for me and helped me through over these years, it's meant the world to me xx

4. Dude you are amazing and so strong.

I look up to you, for how you have managed through the things and shit you have. You're the only reason I was halfway strong enough to do the same. Stay strong, I love you, you can always talk to me and come to me if you need to, please know that. You aren't as alone as you think you are. There are people still there with you, you just need to see us, please. I hate seeing you like this :( x

5. You, thankyou for our talk tonight, and caring. I really did not expect it and it was a really nice surprise :)

We have the maddest quote sesh's it's great :) F&F that cinema better be ready for us to bring the noise haha, gonna be mad fun. You are such a genuine guy, I really really do appreciate tonight, you lifted me out of a very big ditch I'd started to dig inside my normal one. Thankyou so much xx

6. I don't know what to think with you. I don't even know whether you like me or not. Or if I'm just living an illusion, but I guess only time will tell hey :/

7. I actually trusted you. I trusted you with stuff I had never trusted anybody else with ever. And you broke that. You tore that trust to pieces. I don't see how on earth you don't see how much you hurt me by doing what you did. I don't see how you can be such a literal moron and be that stupid that you can't see how much you hurt people with what you do and say. And I don't mean just me you have hurt my friends as well. Fuck you. I will always hate you forever you can burn in hell, and when I take that place over you better fucking watch out.

8. You said that you wanted to be buddies ("beer buddies who drink everything but beer but beer buddies for short" to be exact) and that it wouldn't be fair for us to not see each other or catch up anymore. That it wouldn't be fair for us to not stay friends. Yet I tried and you didn't respond. Yeah you really meant that shit. You really meant everything you said. And to think I was going to throw everything I knew and loved away for you. Fuck you. Fucking fuck you you fucking cunt. And you know I hate that word. So yeah, I bloody well mean it.

9. I don't know why you did it. I am curious, but I will not nose. You have left many people distraught and in pain, but I know that you would not have done it if you had not been in immense pain or distress yourself. I hope that whatever happened to make you do it has left you now. I sincerely hope that you have now found peace. You were loved by many, and they will continue to love and grieve for you forever <3

10. So mister almighty father, what's going on huh? Why are you letting so many bad things happen? So many lives are being lost. So many young souls are being forced to mature beyond their years because of things you have put them through. Why is the earth so angry all of a sudden? There have never been this many natural disasters all at once, never so many lives gone so quick. What is this your new version of Noah and the Ark? Wow you have gotten sinister in your old age. Head in the clouds too long ay? Seriously for all this shit to happen, and for everyone to have so much crap to deal with you can't exist. You're supposed to love us. You're supposed to love the earth you created. Yea-nah. Fuck that I am certain you don't exist.

2012 ay what do you say about that? I won't be surprised one little bit the way this is all going.