Just don't take chances.

Today,

I decided to make a pact with myself.

I don't know if I'll stick to it.

I don't know if I can.

I don't know if it will work.

But the thing is;

I don't fucking care.

And THAT is precisely why I have to do something.

Why I have done this.

The pact?

I will have no boyfriends;

No intimacy;

No love - of any kind;

No closeness;

No chances;

No anything the will - if it ceased - fuck with school.

Nothing that will affect it like you have.

I was doing good, finally.

I had motivation and a drive for the the first time.

I was getting marks I never knew I could actually achieve.

I was doing my work.
I was concentrating in school, halfway liking it.

I was going to get help.

I was loving life and slowly getting through things.

I. Was. Halfway. Happy.

And you went and took every single one of those things away.

And you say, in some similar way or another, to someone that you miss what you threw away?

No.

Fucking. No.

Do not say you miss something, when you are the one that threw it away.
When you are the one that caused us both pain.
When you are the one that did this.
Now, if my HSC flops with no other cause, I will blame you.
I actually took a chance for once.

And I learnt that chances are NEVER worth the outcome you are dealt with.