you're not the person that I knew back then

I'm a mess that's the best way to describe it
I leave no time to myself the only way I can fight it
When I'm alone it's like I'm staring into a mirror
Don't know the person inside it and that's never been any clearer
I miss our family and I miss all my friends
If you had it to do over your do it over again
Cause I would, it means something more to me
There's a whole in my heart where you use to be

I still wish you the best of luck baby
And don't go thinking this was a waste of time
I couldn't forget you if I tried
You killed what was left of the good in me
I'm tired so let me be broken
Look down at the mess that's infront of me
No other words may be spoken
And I've got nobody else to blame though I tried
Kept all of my past mistakes down inside
I'll live with regret for my whole life

I confess, that I brought this all on my self
Condemned to suffer alone, like there's nobody else
When your gone, it's like a whole part of me's missing
So I'll keep living the lie and just hope that your listening

What doesn't make us alive here
But our foundation was built for sin
Now stop and run until the damage was done
And I've never had the upper hand

I still wish you the best of luck baby
And don't go thinking this was a waste of time
I couldn't forget you if I tried
You killed what was left of the good in me
I'm tired so let me be broken
Look down at the mess that's infront of me
No other words may be spoken
And I've got nobody else to blame though I tried
Kept all of my past mistakes down inside
I'll live with regret for my whole life

All the things you love are all the things I hate
How did we get here in the first place?

All but your cold blood inside your mind (All my trust)
Is always burning inside of me (All the way)
I can't make any more progress I know I'll faint
The only thing that can heal this this time is space

You killed what was left of the good in me
I'm tired so let me be broken
Look down at the mess that's infront of me
No other words may be spoken
And I've got nobody else to blame though I tried
Kept all of my past mistakes down inside
I'll live with regret for my whole life
For my whole life

~

You brought your worst and I’m right here
Now I've seen it all, and it’s never been so clear

You’re not the person that I knew back then
It’s all too late to set things straight cause
everything has been
You’re not the person that I knew back then
Lets try and act like this didn’t happen
Follow your friends like you ever had them

~

Give me 2-3 weeks.
2-3 weeks and I can finally be rid of this crap for good.

2-3 weeks until I'm free.

I can smell the sweet scent of freedom already :)

* ~ for me means a new sections, most of the time unrelated to the others

this lack of self control I fear is never ending.

You instill an amount of hate inside of me that I cannot quench.
And anger.
And just this feeling of helplessness that I can do nothing about what the fuck you have done.
I can normally control these feelings when I have to, when I have no choice with the person they are against.
But you?
You are SO bad it has slipped.
And I cannot regain it.
I'm angry and shaking all the time.
I'm murderous.
First you tried to ruin my mother.
And now you're doing the same fucking shit with me.
And the worst part?
I can't do anything about it!
Because you are you.
And you have the power.
And they would never believe me over you.
Why would they?
They can't see what you're actually like.
You managed to turn some of mums close alliances against her.
And just look at what you've done to me.
You. Are. The devil.

She used to believe that I had so much potential.
That she would put me in the position you now have in the blink of an eye if I were old enough and out of school.
She trusted me after a month with things only the top of the food chain should know and have responsibility of.

And now?
She can't even write me a god damn letter she wrote in a day for another!
IT'S BEEN 2 FUCKING MONTHS!
I found the emails.
The way you twist things so she thinks worse of me.
The way that you have her thinking of me as a stupid, annoying little junior again.
That she can't even have the decency to write me a refernce letter so I can go and get another job.

Fuck. You.

When I am done here, and my oath it's going to be ASAP, if I ever see you again, do not expect peace and friendliness and my being polite.
You should expect what I have been wanting to say and do to you for almost a year.
Because there will be nothing stopping me after.
I don't give a fuck if I go over the top and end up beating you to a pulp or killing you.

So yeah, sorry guys I needed to vent.
And still it has done nothing and I am still shaking >:[
Fucks sake I'm going to kill her one day.
No, that's right.
I'm going to maim her beyond belief.
That would be harder for her than death.