Yeah, those lyrics, keep sticking with me.
So it's been a long time, crossroads, and just haven't been able to think of stuff to write.
Crossroads was better than expected, there were ups and downs, and things that just added to the already messed up confusion of my mind.
Unexpected and unwanted bitterness.
Fights and being upset/pissed off.
Having a blast and laughing and having fun and mucking around.
There were a lot of different things going on for everyone, good and bad.
But it was better than expected.
I'm still bloody confused about everything, who/what I want. Crossroads added to that, as did some other stuff tonight. I can't make up my mind or figure any of it out.
There's a person that I don't want to turn out like, and I fear I may, there are multiple people actually that I am scared of becoming. I hate that, and people tell me I'm nothing like them and I won't, but I still fear it, and I still worry that I will, always.
I worry about my friends too. I try and help with their problems, I try and be there, I want to help and be there. But sometimes again I feel I'm not the right person for doign that considering how messed up I am myself. And maybe my focusing on other people's problems is a way of avoiding my own.
But I like it, I like helping.
I hate watching people I care about suffer and I just want to make things better whatever way I can.
I am greedy I think, I want whatever I can get. Whatever affection is given to me I don't want to give up. And that is my worst trait. I hate it. It hurts people. It screws people over. It hurts people I care about and just causes the problems that I then can't fix because I made them.
I don't even know what I'm going on about anymore, I came into this blog just writing, because I haven't in so long, and it just turned into rambling, it probably will make no sense. But oh well. Neither does my mind :/
It's just a big wide world of crazy out there. And sometimes the only way to survive is behind our masks.
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