Why is it that I envy thee?

For these so sinful ways.

My eyes glow green,

They’re turning brighter than these blinding days.

This feeling only grows within,

Soul racked with jealousy.

It shouldn’t be existent,

Nor my clearest memory.

I worry for these things you do,

These things which make you feel.

However it is these such things,

Which make my envy real.

Once something has changed,

Can it ever again be the same?

Can things ever build back up,

To where they once were?

Or once it has changed,

Is it just doomed to be different

Ever after?

Would the new things alter the old?

Destroying their chances of revival.

Survival.

Once the new has replaced the old,

Its purpose is lost.

It can try to be what it once was,

Strive so enviously for acceptance.

But when all is lost,

Replaced,

It is useless, old and broken.

Left in the corner of the floor,

To naught be needed again.

You know,

You said you’d always be there for me;

You’d do anything for me;

We’re best friends.

But where were you when I needed you?

Where were you when the shit hit the fan and I had nobody?

Why weren’t you where you always used to be?

There.

Because of her right?

You got over your stuff for me and onto stuff for her and BAM!!

I DON’T MATTER ANYMORE!!

I don’t see how that is being there;

Doing anything;

Being my best friend.

Only stabbing me in the back and ripping my heart open and soul to pieces.

But I guess I should have seen this coming,

It happens every single time.

I suppose I’ll just stay best-friend-less,

Because you obviously don’t need me anymore.

I miss my poems. I miss them so so much. But it seems I really can't write them anymore. To think how much easier it would be to deal with all this if I still had that outlet.

If you want to work things out don't do it through here. It's all we have ever done and you had the opportunity to through the inbox. Yeah we might scream at each other for a while like he and I did all day, but that's what happens. Running and avoiding it will only make things a million times worse.
Any consolation, I don't even know why I am mad and upset. I just am.

Oceans and tears
and rivers of fears
are taking my heart beat away

the currents and tides
those fluctuous rides
are perpetually making me sway

I can’t help but think
if I didn’t such as blink
that this would not have occurred

And that way’d be fine
cause you’d both still be mine
and my eyesight would no longer be blurred

it’s always my way
when I just find my lay
in the land I just go fuck it up

it’s stupid and crude
and my mind is so rude
but I guess all I’ve got now is my pup L