if we've been fighting, please read this.

Tablets for disorders,
Positive, until you grow dependant.
Then, when they don’t work,
You screw things up and grow repentant.
Storms have been brewing,
Those big black clouds, so dark and sinister-like.
Electrons charged and irritated,
All calm gone, the lighting strikes.
After lighting follows thunder,
Always there to retaliate furiously.
It’s like a lid’s been cracked,
The storm underway, uncontrollable and seriously
Wreaking havoc on lands once lush,
Breaking riverbanks, the torrents rage.
Branches break and souls will tear,
The cracks are spreading, through every page.
I wonder, will this fury cease?
Or has my damage done too much?
I want you back,
I’m sorry, I love you, but I’m so out of touch L

I’m sorry I snapped
and haven’t asked after you.
I’m sorry I yelled
I truly didn’t mean to.
I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch
as of late.
I’m sorry, I’ll go now,
and there’ll be no debate.
Just know that I love you,
that will never, ever change.
You will forever be in my heart,
no matter the distance or range.
Please, live a happy life,
You deserve that, and so much more.
I’m sorry for what I’ve done
now I see, I’ve closed these doors.

Alone amidst a crowd of stars,
I feel as though I’m stuck on Mars.
Through vast expanse’ of time and space,
I fear that nothing will erase.
My emotions, once so strong within,
Have numbed, the light become so dim.
I don’t know if I’ll ever change,
My options show such tiny range.
I am a vacuum, a black hole in space,
All happiness, I will erase.

I’m sorry…

                For all the things I said that I maybe didn’t mean,

I’m sorry…

                If I hurt your head and make you want to scream.

I’m sorry…

                For the things I did that caused your heart to bleed,

I’m sorry…

                If I screwed things up with stuff I thought I’d need.

I’m sorry…

                About the things regarding which I can do nothing,

I’m sorry…

                If your pain is caused by all my stupid bluffing.

I’m sorry…

                That I hurt you, and my promise didn’t keep,

I’m sorry…

                Is it not enough? Because I’m about to leap.

I’m sorry…

                That I let you down, it was not my intention,

I’m sorry…

                I just crashed and burned and caused us all this tension.

I’m sorry…

                That I lied to you, I was so scared of the truth,

I’m sorry…

                I would die for you, hang myself up from the roof.

I’m sorry…

                You can beat me, yell and scream until you’re sore,

I’m sorry…

                Please forgive me, I can’t take this anymore…

It's amazing, old poems can be meaningful over and over. And new ones, well it seems only when my mental state is shocking can I write them. But I guess that's one positive I can take from this. Even if it is the only one.
I don't want to lose you, any of you. But I'll understand if I do, I've closed so many doors in the past few months I wouldn't blame you for locking it on me.
But I truely am sorry, and my sternum is burning, and my throat is constricted, and I keep pulling words together in my head, I don't know how many more poems I'm going to write tonight.
I love you so much, and I miss you both.
Everything's change so much since mid january. I'm sorry. Just fuck I'm sorry.