What a couple of days -_-

I think I need to start seeing my councellor again.
Because my anti-depressants on their own just aren't working as well anymore.
I hate being so bitter about everything.
I can't be happy for anyone else's happiness.
I can't be nice.
I can hardly even fake a smile or interest in anything these days.

Thankfully I haven't started calculating the speed/break times and angles of the wheels and strength of the tree with every tree I go past while driving again yet.
That was when I knew I was bad last time, every single tree was another way out. And I figured out the best possible way of hitting it without surviving every time.
I grew afraid of driving. Afraid that one day I'd actually drive into one of them.

And I'm growing afraid again.
Because this is what I was like before I got to that stage.
And I sure as hell do not want to go back there.
I hate being where I am enough to know that.

Now I just have to work up the courage, and money in my budget, to go back. But like hell am I going to that same chick, she pissed me off.

All I know, is that I NEED my next tattoo.
When those words are forever in my skin, I'll always have them there to keep me going if I ever get to that point again.
Now I just have to save the money and complete the design, and get it ASAP.