Steph, I'm sorry if I upset you again with this x

These thoughts, they haunt me.
Taunt and attack;
they mess me around.
I'd jump if I could,
but wish if I can't.
Because truely, I can't take this.
My insides are fighting
a never-ending battle.
This war is killing me,
the fatalities are rising.
If I could, I'd jump;
I'd join them.
But I can't, so here's to wishing,
and continuing this wretched fight.

I really don't know if I can do this.

It seems as though every single freaking person out there is trying to get us together.

Plans for matching clothes and just fuck. I can't do this!
Yes I know it's running away.
I know it's avoiding the problem - my specialty.

But I honestly cannot do this!

I can't risk losing our friendship.

I can't have the hope that something could work between us.

I can't have that pain if it fucks up everything.

I just cannot do this.

And every time I finally get ok in the head, and stop dwelling on it,
Somebody else brings it up and I'm back down in that pit.

In the midst of this bloodbath of a war.

I hate it.

I fucking hate this.

I wish I could just drive away, cut all contact, create another identity, just disappear.

It would be so much easier.