I miss you :(

Why do I do this to myself?
That's right, effort.
Effort that ends in breaking down.
Effort thats opens the floodgates and brings out all those emotions I've been bottling up about this.
Effort that hurts like fuck.
Effort that tells you how I feel and why.
Effort that will maybe hope to fix things, but I'm not sure if it will, or can.
I hate effort.
I'm lazy.
If you put in effort, with anything, there is the possibilty of getting hurt.
But if you don't put in effort, then you live no life.
Life must be hard mustn't it?
It's just the way it is and the effort comes with it and so do the tears and the pain and the vulnerability of opening up and letting your feelings show.
A quote from a good friend (kinda like this anyway) "There is nothing you can do to change the past, nothing. So you just have to move on and look to the future and make what you want of it. The future is yours. The past is gone."
I miss you.
I miss what we had.
I miss that unconditional trust I had in you.
I hate that it's gone.
I fucking hate it.
And I'm sitting here trying to figure out a way that it would ever be possible for it to grow back, knowing that with me, there probably isn't, and breaking apart with the realisation that what we had is gone and I don't know if it can ever be the same again.
I hate falling apart.
I miss my best friend </3