sing about everyone that you left behind...

Sing it out,
Boy, you’ve got to see what tomorrow brings.
Sing it out,
Girl, you’ve got to be what tomorrow needs.

For every time
that they want to count you out,
and use your voice
every single time you open up your mouth

Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls
every time you that you lose it sing it for the world
Sing it from the heart
Sing it till you’re nuts
Sing it out for the words that’ll hate your guts
Sing it for the death
Sing it for the blood
Sing about everyone that you left behind
Sing it for the world
Sing it for the world

Sing it out, boy they’re gonna sell what tomorrow means
Sing it out girl, with all the kill what tomorrow brings
You’ve got to
make a choice,
if the music drowns you out.
And raise your voice,
every single time they try and shut your mouth.

Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls
every time you that you lose it sing it for the world
Sing it from the heart
Sing it till you’re nuts
Sing it out for the words that’ll hate your guts
Sing it for the death
Sing it for the blood
Sing about everyone that you left behind
Sing it for the world
Sing it for the world

Cleaned up corporation,

Park rats dying in the
process
Children that can talk about it
Living on the
railways
creeping, moving sideways
sell it till your last days
Buy yourself the motivation!

Should’ve reckoned nothing
Nothing ’bout a dance
Burning down the white tree
I am not the singer that you wanted,
but a dancer,
I refuse to answer
Talk about the past, son,
Rolling for the ones who want to get away

Keep running!

Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls
every time you that you lose it sing it for the world
Sing it from the heart
Sing it till you’re nuts
Sing it out for the words that’ll hate your guts
Sing it for the death
Sing it for the blood
Sing about everyone that you left behind
Sing it for the world
Sing it for the world

You’ve got to sing what tomorrow brings!
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world
Yeah, you’ve got to be what tomorrow needs!
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world.

I love this song. And these pics. And those nights, where you are completely knackered, from being woken up at 530 to see what santa brought us all, from way strong antihistameins that knock me out, from too much noise and chaos for any one day, from family, and then you are in bed, and about to sleep, saying goodnights, and then get told someone has something to tell you but they need their sleep so won't yet and all. Well then it's granted that you won't be able to sleep. And will think up any possible thing it could be. And torture yourself. Torture yourself with what it could be, and then think over everything else with tangents in your mind and think over all the bad things that have happened this past 6 months.

Next year, you will be a good year. Because if you aren't, then so help you, I will find a way to kill you. I don't know how to kill a year but I will find a way and make it bloody happen.

So 2011, there is my warning, there is my hope, take it, leave it, but by all means make the right fucking choice. :)

I want you to take me with you...

Please forgive me if I seem forward
But I've never been in front of anything like you
Its the last place I ever thought I'd be
When I woke up this morning
Is it true?
And that you're always this breathtaking
And your smart and you're willing
My God this is killing me

Tell me all the things you never said
We can lie here and talk for hours in my bed

I don't have anything to hide
I don't have anything
Everything is not for certain
I don't have anything to hide
I don't have anything
Everything is not for certain

You started to see right through me
And I'm loving every minute of it
Its like I'm born again
Every time I breath in so,
If you're curious,
My favorite color's blue
And I like to sing in the shower
If you like, I'll sing to you

Tell me all the things you never said
We can lie here and talk for hours in my bed

I don't have anything to hide
I don't have anything
Everything is not for certain
I don't have anything to hide
I don't have anything
Every thing is not for certain

Tell me all of your hopes,
All of your dreams
I want you to take me there (take me there)
Tell me all of your hopes,
all of your dreams
I want to take you there (take you there)
Tell me everything
Every breath, I want you to know I'll be there
Theres just one more thing,
One request
I want you to take me with you

Take me with you
I will never let you down
I will love you now and forever
[x6]

 

Feature in my semi dream, feature in my blog.

I did like my dream/semi dreams last night/this morning.

They were quite nice, relaxing, interesting.

They made me crave a campfire, a small one.

Out in the bush, flat plane with some trees and rocks, and a rocky hill a few hundred metres away.

With my car a few metres from the fire.

And sitting in between, relaxing, having fun.

And then playing this song on guitar and singing it in the firelight.

It was nice :) I wouldn't mind at all that dream coming true.

It was away from everything.

Away from all the confusion.

Away from all the conflict.

Away from all the messes.

Just away from this place.

And everything it always seems to hold.

I want that. So much.

And in a few weeks, I'm making sure I get at least part of it.

The getting away part.

I can't fucking wait.

Whose getting scared now? Tell me how does it feel?

It feels so good from where I'm standing.
Whose gettin scared now? Piggy, go ahead and squeal.
It sounds so nice from where I'm standing.




Driving home, on long dark roads, well it starts things, and things come, and come they did, and here it came:

We're going down a long, dark road
We're going down a long and lonely road
We don't know where we're going
Don't know where it goes
But we're staying on this long and lonely road.

We're heading down this long, dark lane
We'll go down it through every single day
We'll stay under the boxes in the pouring rain
We're staying in this lane through every day

... so far yeah.


So I don't know.
I never know.
We all know this.
That I don't know.
Not what I want.
Not what I feel.
Not what I need.
Not what I crave (aside certain foods).
Not anything.
I don't know what you want.
Or you.
I don't know why.
I don't know what I am to you.
I know what I thought I was.
But I'm apparently not.
It was nice though.
To find out.
To know.
To know something at least.
Even if it's something I never thought I'd know.
Because I never thought you wouldn't think the same as me.
Well what did I know?
That's right, nothing!
And that's what you get.
"That's what you get when you let your heart win"
No way.
Not again.
Not ever.
Not with any type of hearty instance.
Unless it's like scotch bottle in hearts, that'd be cool.
But no.
Bye Bye I guess.
And you who will most likely think this is about you it's not, so don't fret, but then you who it is about might think it is as well and then think it's not when it is and well that just doesn't work but eh.
Alas I shall begone!

It's my life...

So I'm fucking up my HSC
I'm fucking up my mothers blood pressure from stress about my HSC
from stress about dad going off at her about my HSC
that if it happens she plans on NOT telling me about.
They don't understand that I don't fucking care.
It's my HSC, not his, not hers, I have to make my own fucking choices and mistakes.
I can do it at tafe. I can do it other ways.
I can make it through life without taking this seriously.
Without doing well.
An ATAR is not the be all and end all of my working life.
So I wish they would jsut stop fucking stressing and going off about it.
IT'S MY LIFE TO FUCK UP!

One day I will find motivation for school again. But not now.
I don't know when. And I really don't care.
I'll regret it. I'll beat myself up. But it's my choice and my consequences.

Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, Faith looks up...

So I have no idea.
Linkin Park was fucking amazing, met some mad people, Bree and her mate, and 'Derogatory' blokes and their sheela's. Was good fun. We got right up the front in the mosh, Sam and I, she got to the rail, one person in front of her, I got 4 people back. We were less than 3 metres from the stage and the band!
It was intense to say the very least. Painful, with the pushing and shoving and surges in the crowd, half the time you were so squashed up to people you couldn't breath and had arms in bad positions in the back and killing your innards, but it was worth it. Even with the extreme oxygen deprivation and such.
They threw out tonnes of picks (plectrums) and about 6 drumsticks, one went right in front of sam and she knew the bloke so she's gonna get it off him lol, and yeah we didn't get anything but Bree's mate did.
Scored a phone battery off the ground too lol, while we were scouring for leftover picks.
Was bloody mad, but the sweat was discusting. We were soaked and smelt so bad driving home after >_< was so horrible. But worth it :D
Got me a mad arse shirt too :D

Basically the view we had :D with a few heads in the way but still, was freaking mad


Anyway to a normal blog post.. ish
Went to art excursion and met up with the class there, some people are freaks of nature with their talent! I'm quite jealous. Then had fuck arounds with work, that was just peachy, screwed over my mood and I had to walk away before I punched her. Which probably will just score me another meeting with the boss >_<
Went to school and caught up with people, had 2 run/flying tackle hugs from Bek and Bea xx and one tackle coat hanger my neck run up whatever the hell it was from Andrew following the crowd >_< my neck does hurt from that, could just be from moshing, but I dunno.
I had like a massive adrenaline rush then, whilst at school, running between groups, shoe fights with Andrew, chasing him around to get back Bek's phone, throwing his shoe into one of the big Kiewa st trees, and then him having to boost me up to get it back out >_< it was mad fun :D
Hanging at Bek's with Bea and her, and Harvey and Talli, and Bea running from them, lol was priceless  :D haha ily

And then I got petrol. Filled my tank. And realised my cashcard was still on my bed from the concert last night. So I had to mess around trying to sort out how the shit I was going to pay for my fuel >_< But the lady was nice and took my details and mum dropped in after work and paid for me :)

And got home. And put roast on. And mood plummeted. Well it was starting to at Bek's anyway. But yeah.
Through the floor and to the other side of the world. I don't know why. Possibly just adrenaline rush ended and I had massive side effects.
But still.
I then just searched wise quotes on google, and here are some I found. Because I don't knwo what to do with anything, or how to live my life the way I want, how to figure out how I want to live it.

 - I don’t know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

 - never trust anyone completely, you are bound to get deceived

 - Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

 - I don’t know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

 - Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.

 - A winner listens, a loser just waits until it is their turn to talk.

 - Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, anymore than standing in your garage makes you a car.

 - Opportunities slide away like clouds.

I think this is a bloody long enough blog today, but ramble I do and ramble I did. Happens when my heads a mess like this. Eh, I like the quotes, that is all.

This is not what I had planned, it's out of my control...

So my HSC is pretty much screwed by just this term.
I've royally effed it up already and I know I could get my head in the game and get going good and proper but I just can't find the motivation, even the concept of doing well to get a good career to get money for the amazing cars I want isn't working. I just can't be stuffed with any of it anymore.
And my chances of doing decent are dwindling rapidly with my inaction towards assessments etc.
My mind is just retarded.
When I need it to do one thing, it does the opposite.
When I need to study I can't and back in the day I could.
When I need to be able to make decisions and be independent I can't manage it.
When I need to be strong I depend on others.
I just can't do it.
This ditch is currently too bloody deep and thorn ridden, not to mention the flooding and mud and sludge.
It is impossible to get out, even with the help I have.
I just hope one day I will before I keep pulling everyone in with me and ruin them as well.

I'm repeating this image because I feel the need. Well I don't I was just compelled to add it again because I love it so much and all that jazziness and stuff. I can't help it being me, dress or not.

I want the peace!!!.. Love, Hate.

Ok so. Muse then normal down bottom.
Thursday night train to Sydney, got next to no sleep, came to the conclusion - after seeing and hearing fireworks every time I looked out the window during the trip - that I have officially achieved the task of going crazy.
Friday, got to Sydney I think 7ish, roaming streets looking for a plce that was open for food etc and then we just roamed the streets (with heavy bags on backs the whole day >_<) most of the day. We ended up in Allen's music store for a good 2 hours, left about 12/12:30 for lunch and then we checked into the Formula 1 hotel and crashed for a few hours, out like a light I was.
Then.... we found Wulfi, got dinner, and headed to MUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Biffy Clyro supported and we freaking amazing as well, the mosh was gay but and wouldn't get into it for them. But towers for muse! and we were only about 50m away on the side, and they spazzed again! Matt sliding over stage on his knees and Dom making faces at the camera when he could see it on him, Chris with his most intensely amazing headbanging getting all into his Bass.
Matt had his mirror guitar at one point, all lights out with one spotlight hitting his guitar and he directed it over the crowd and made a mexican wave of it, was awesome, and just wow it was fucking wicked as shit and the solos and just going on and on and on after a song ended and having flase endings and Dom and Chris not even knowing when it was going to end and Dom collapsing on his drum kit after the massive intense one.
Just far out my golly goshikers was fucking heaven!
Unfortunately though, none of us remembered our cameras so no photos :( none good anyway. Chris in black and red pinstripe suit, Dom in a wetsuit (lol) and Matt in a silver suit :D just was amazing, and I could go on and on and even on-er than I already have but god it's so hard to stop!!!


AND THEN!!!!!!!!!!! today, roaming, went back into Allen's, speaking to fella about the concert and he says DOM WAS IN ALLEN'S A MERE 2 HOURS AFTER WE LEFT YESTERDAY!!!! 2 HOURS! I WALKED THE GROUND HE WALKED! BREATHED THE AIR HE BREATHED!!! HAHAHAHAHA not >_< 2 hours :( could have stayed 2 hours and I could have met him, and raped him, and got him to sign my jeans, and photos, and erugh >_< they were even possibly going back in there today, but we couldn't hang around D: it was so gutwrenching to leave :(
One day. One day I will have my justice served. And now, bask in the epicness of MUSE :D

ok so Dom, on his tower, in I think the same wetsuit/lycra suit he had on for ours, and the smoke hmmm I can't remember what that was during, OH again, more, THEY PLAYED BLISS AND BUTTERFLIES AND HURRICANES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah :D

The towers, we were like right where this text is and up a bit

wetsuit again :D

 Back in the day, our age, 17ishness :D hahahaa so cute lol

Matt's sliding!! we scored a lot of this :D

I'm thinking I should quite before I just put up ALL of my pictures lol... :D was fucking awesome!!

Love. Hate.

The passion is so similiar,

the seem to fluctuate.

Live. Kill.

So contradictory are they,

I go in for the thrill.

Pain. Loss.

Both so frequent in this world,

you must be your own boss.

Friend. Foe.

So difficult to establish,

do you ever truely know?

Betrayal. Trust.

They make and break each other,

so fueled by insufficient lust.

Moral. Cliche.

Society decides on these,

we never have a say.

They say that opposites attract,

but do they ever stay intact?

Katrina found this on deviantart and it reminded her of me, I love it, to absolute bits, because it is me.
And it always will be. It's good to have an image to depict that from.

So, you. Yes you. You know who you are and your name is now you. Because I really cannot be fucked anymore. I don't understand how the reasoning that I have in my head that I can understand from what has happened can actually be that bad. I understand past transgressions may have made the situation maybe deja-vu-ish for you. But why could we not talk about it? I was going to give you the chance you have been striving for all these years. I had pretty much decided those past 2 days before you did it and it's pretty much gone now because I don't get it. At all. And I miss it, I do, I miss our talks and our relationship. You plague my thoughts a lot of the time. Get my poetry mojo spinning at least. But even during muse you popped in there with lyrics and such. But really, just make me understand. Please.

You've lost everything, especially me.

I've looked right past the simple things
What have my eyes missed?

Stuck in a space where nothing seems to fit
You live a myth, obsessed with it
Quiet as the sound
I'm always asking what it means
And now I can't stop twisting round and round

I've grown into this
This myth with you

I can't stop twisting around this storyline
Distorting my insides
I won't forget I'm drenched in it

'Cause I can't stop twisting around this storyline
Tangled words were never mine
I won't forget I'm lost in it

Slowly bending backwards
Til my days become misshaped

You deftly sway my thoughts with your fictitious ways

Nothing in me works the same
You've got a lot to explain

Still I'm asking
And still I can't stop twisting

I've grown into this myth with you

I can't stop twisting around this storyline
Distorting my insides
I won't forget I'm drenched in it
'Cause I can't stop twisting around this storyline
Tangled words were never mine
I won't forget I'm lost in it

Knots and crosses
Skews
I fold in two
With this road we take
I've lost all control of everything, especially me

You've lost everything, especially me

You bite my tongue
Now I believe

I can't stop twisting around this storyline
Distorting my insides
I won't forget I'm drenched in it
'Cause I can't stop twisting around this storyline
Tangled words were never mine
I won't forget I'm lost in it

Mythology - VersaEmerge

It's time to end this god forsaken myth. You say you love me, yet you fight the person who is only trying to protect me. How is that love? If you did, you would understand where she was coming from. You would understand and stop fighting because she is right.

I was going to choose you, you know. I was going to move past my fucked upedness and try and make something work between us.

No.

Fuck. That.

Fuck this. I'm over it. You say she/we are being immature teenage girls, but look at yourself and the way you are handling things. The way you did just up and flee when there was a challenge and someone there to approve you or not. The way you say you would have done anything for me, stuck by me through my complications, yes you did, for a very long time and I do realise that, yes I gave you an extremely hard time all these years, yes I have been pushing you away all these years. But I thought you could see that I was trying now.

I thought we had talked about this.

Obviously not.

I'm sorry but really, this is done. It cannot be healthy for either of us.

Goodbye.

I'm sorry, I love you :(

It's times like this I think, "what have I done?"

What have I become?

Who have I become?

When did I turn into this person?

Why can't I change back?

I'm sorry.

My procrastination never did bring any good,

And this just proves it.

Now that it seems you are gone,

My feelings seem impossibly clearer. I think.

They seem to reflect anguish and loss.

And love.

I can see how it was so hard,

And I do understand, as I said.

This isn't to make you feel bad,

It's just my venting, getting things out.

Because when I need them,

It seems my tears have finally dried up.

It's not to stop the ache though,

In whatever form.

I'm sorry.

I still don't know exactly how much,

Or to what extent,

But I do love you.

I'm sorry that I hurt you so much :(

I don't understand!

I don't I really don't and I want to and I try but I don't and I can't and it multiplies and divides out and is timesed back in and squared and think up the most complicated stupid confusing maths equation and make it 50 times worse and then you have me. And my head. And my crap.

There is 1 and 2, the usuals. Then 3 came along. And 4, from ages ago came back. And none of it is helping! I get so confused and attention grabbing and all that I can't figure any of my mind out and any of this out and any of anything out. And yet I keep trying to help everyone with their problems too and I'm probably only making them worse because anything that comes out of my mouth never makes any sense and turns all weird and screwed up anyway.

Why can't things ever be normal?
Why can't any of us ever be happy?
Get what we want.
Why can't things be simple, choices, feelings.
Why can't any of it just make sense.

"Life's not fair is it?.." - Scar, Lion King, opening scene with his 'lunch' the mouse that "shall never see the light of another day"

It's just not.

We don't know where we're going...

We don't know who we are...

Yeah, those lyrics, keep sticking with me.
So it's been a long time, crossroads, and just haven't been able to think of stuff to write.
Crossroads was better than expected, there were ups and downs, and things that just added to the already messed up confusion of my mind.
Unexpected and unwanted bitterness.
Fights and being upset/pissed off.
Having a blast and laughing and having fun and mucking around.
There were a lot of different things going on for everyone, good and bad.
But it was better than expected.

I'm still bloody confused about everything, who/what I want. Crossroads added to that, as did some other stuff tonight. I can't make up my mind or figure any of it out.
There's a person that I don't want to turn out like, and I fear I may, there are multiple people actually that I am scared of becoming. I hate that, and people tell me I'm nothing like them and I won't, but I still fear it, and I still worry that I will, always.
I worry about my friends too. I try and help with their problems, I try and be there, I want to help and be there. But sometimes again I feel I'm not the right person for doign that considering how messed up I am myself. And maybe my focusing on other people's problems is a way of avoiding my own.
But I like it, I like helping.
I hate watching people I care about suffer and I just want to make things better whatever way I can.

I am greedy I think, I want whatever I can get. Whatever affection is given to me I don't want to give up. And that is my worst trait. I hate it. It hurts people. It screws people over. It hurts people I care about and just causes the problems that I then can't fix because I made them.

I don't even know what I'm going on about anymore, I came into this blog just writing, because I haven't in so long, and it just turned into rambling, it probably will make no sense. But oh well. Neither does my mind :/

It's just a big wide world of crazy out there. And sometimes the only way to survive is behind our masks.

Why?

Why are you always so confusing?

The stuff you say and do

Why is it that I've no idea

What's up with me and you?

Why can't my mind make itself up?

About my feelings, what I want.

Why is it that I'm hot then cold?

It seems it's just to taunt.

Why are there so many ridges?

All these valley's filled with pain.

Why is it that these ups and downs

Leave nothing there to gain?

Why can't just one thing stick?

You decide and that is that.

Why is it that complications

Always pop out of the hat?

Why do obsticals exist?

Is it to make life interesting?

Why is it life must be so hard

As if it's in us 'God' is investing.

Why can't conflict just cease?

All these riots come to an end.

Why is it we must always fight?

What is there really to defend?

I could probably continue writing more and more and more of this forever atm, but I'm over it. I'm tired and my head hurts. I'm confused and just I don't know. I don't know what I want. I don't know what my feelings are. I don't know 'who' I want. I don't know any of it. And I can't seem to come up with any answers either. And some people (don't think either read this so don't fret peeps) just make it that much harder and more difficult and full of confusion and fuzz and messed-upedness. As I trademark go:

Just, Yeah...

Synthetic Sensations...

So we have feelings, right?

Sensations.

We think we control them.

But we don't.

Do we know them?

Our true feelings?

Or do we not recognise them?

Not know how to.

How do you know what you feel is real?

And not just some synthetic, made up, sensation.

How do you distinguish fake from true?

Imaginings from reality?

How do you know any of it?

You don't.

I don't at least.

Ever.

I don't trust my emotions.

My feelings.

My decisions.

So I never know.

Because I second guess,

And ask myself if it is real,

Or if it is just a synthetic sensation.

Me and you and my medication.

Me, You And My Medication - Boys like Girls, some of the stuff in there was gathered from these lyrics, as is the title. Love this song, have quoted it before "love is just a chemical reaction" and yeah.

I guess it really is just me and you and my medication, and synthetic sensations, and chemical reactions -.-

Some friends become enemies, some friends become your family...

Some enemies become friends too.
It's weird that way, you can go years hating someone.
Because their first impression was so bad, and stuck for so long.
Because you hated that first impression.
With so much passion that you fought anything to do with them.
You fought conversation.
You fought them.
You glared at them whenever you saw them.
You yelled and screamed at them to 'fuck off and leave you alone!'
You tried everything.
But then you can connect with something, some shared experience or part of life.
Some shared concept of your past.
Some shared aspect of you, that nobody else gets.
And BAM it changes, you can relate, you can see past that crappy first impression.
You can become friends, be there for each other.
Through the stuff that others just don't get, because they can't.
It's weird, life, that way.
You can go from absolutely hating somebody with so much of your being, and then change to being so close, and having such a connection and understanding and love of one another.
Life, it's just messed up isn't it?

We can live forever, if you've got the time...

So yesterday was alright, school, was well boring.
English no teacher, had mad fun with Bea and her poor poor mind which she made me suffer with her, and my turning into the delirious state of tiredness where, as Sam and I were at maccas, some kid (probs around our age) asked if I was high -_-
I was not, but yeah, I get that tired and I act high/drunk/completely out of it. Have been like it on and off the past week.
RETRO!! gig was pretty hardcore, although the floor is quite uncomfy and Bea kept punching me >_< bloody hard too!! and bit my finger!!!! I TOLD YOU SHE WASN'T INNOCENT!! And my legs kept going numb too (hence the punching also)
Bek, I LOVE YOU!! that is all :D
The night had its moments, good and bad, and extremely interesting and such.. but was good :)
Because I was in my amazing Holden shirt :D
I love my mates :D Bea, Steph, Sam, Bek, Bec, all of everybody!!!!!!
... and it seems I love exclamation marks this morning >_> <_<

"And we played the first thing that came to our heads
just so happened to be
the best song in the world, it was the best song in the world
look into my eyes and it's easy to see
one and one make two
two and one make three it was destiny
once every hundred thousand years or so
when the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
and the grass doth grow hoooo..."
hahahahahahahhahaha dancing like a drunk down deany :D

What if...??

What if?

What if there were no humans?
Would global warming never start?
or would some other species
evolve and fill the missing part?

What if world peace existed?
Would it ever really last?
or would someone eventually snap?
it all ending with a blast

What if everyone were equal?
Would the world still function right?
or would someone have to step up
and take control with all their might?

Sometimes our minds appear so stiff
and it is then we ask,
What if?

 

 

Ahh the good old days :') found this poem from years ago on my myspace this evening, I like it :D

 Myspace how you have changed! Spent all evening remeniscing, was quite amusing lol.

I miss you! I miss having a profile song! >_<

Let's start a myspace revolution and GO BACK!!!

Was the greatest, if only we could have facebook, with profile songs, it would be the ultimate.

I don't like you.

My thoughts today were quite murderous towards you.

It seems I must always fight with someone and it also seems you filled that spot.

I'm sorry things went down like this, but choices were made, and they were bad, and they hurt people.

People that I love.

So yes, right now, I really don't like you.

 

 

I love my friends, you guys are my world, was reading over my old myspace profile too and my info thing about my friends that I never finished, the memories <3 xx

 

bonfire '09 brother challenged sam to a beer sculling comp.. (was 'compulsory')

 

he began dancing funny, roudn in circles, arms going up and down in weird motions jiggin about...

 

pissed herslef laughing at his dancing and wiping her mouth

 

 

BEST BONFIRE EVER!! haha god I love them <3 was a hilarious night

Like soldiers, March on...

Don’t cry, open up your eyes and know
There's someone else out there that feels this way

I’m singing to you
'cause I know what you’ve been through and now
Not so long ago I felt the same

Like soldiers, march on
If we can make it through the night we'll see the sun
March on, march on

I remember summer nights alone
The fireflie's the only thing we own
You're all we ever dreams of California
And I remember winters were so cold
Hunger was the only thing we know
And rock n’ roll dreamin’ was what saved us

Like soldiers
March on
If we can make it through the night we'll see the sun
March on, march on

Till we see the sun (March on)
Till we see the sun

Through the good times
Through the bad times
Through the long days
Through the hard nights
Keep on till we see the sun
Like soldiers, march on
If we can make it through the night we'll see the sun
March on, march on

Even when there’s no one there for you march onEven when the days are long for you march onLike soldiers March on!

First ever favourite in Good Charlotte was a brilliant choice I think.

Their stuff is real.

It is motivational.

It helps me through hard times.

It makes me march on.

And there is a sun :)

We made it through the rough night and I don't care how bad it got.

I love you Rebekkah Lee Henderson <3

Sometimes we take our shit out on each other but it's just how we are it seems.

It's sticking by each other through it that makes you my best bud.

This past week and a half has full on just sucked without you.

But eh, each time, I'll hack it out till we see the sun :)

Even if I may say I'm done, I don't know if I could ever mean it.

xx

Why did I trust you?

You come on strong with a great
Big smile
But your teeth are as sharp as a
Crocodile
You promised me the moon and
The stars and the sun
But you never did nothin’ for
Anyone
Can’t look me in the face or
Straight in the eye
I’d buy the movie rights to your
Alibi
I wonder how long you will go
I wonder how high your head will
Blow
You’re a psychopathic liar
Your soul is on fire
You’re bluffin’ with nuthin’
While the stakes are gettin’ higher
Why trust you
You never made a dream come
True
Why trust you
Give me one good reason, one
Good reason why
You come to me all teary-eyed
With your big tall tale way up in
The sky
Begging on your knees for
Another chance
But everybody knows that’s a
Song and a dance
There used to be a time when you
Were the best
You had the fastest tongue in the
West
Ya gave a look and a line like
Nobody else
You’d try to sell the Bible to the
Devil, himself
You sadistic little liar
You’re walkin’ on the wire
You’re bluffin’ up with nothin’
And the bills are gettin’ higher
Why trust you
Give me one good reason, one
Good reason why
Trust you
The noose is getting tighter
Your face is turning whiter
You can stuff it up your muffin
And go stick it in the fire
Why trust you
You never made a dream come
True
Why trust you, give me one good
Reason, one good reason
Why trust you, you never made a
Dream come true
Why trust you, give me one good
Reason, one good reason
Why trust you, why trust you
Why trust you, why trust you
Why trust you

WHY TRUST YOU? - ALICE COOPER

Why trust anyone? There are only a few people in the world who I trust, and even then it's not full trust.

I have major issues with trust.

With apparently bloody good reason.

I trusted you. I took a chance and trusted you.

Now my trust issues are only 10 million times worse and that is your fault. Never again. Ever.

you only hear the music when your heart begins to break...

Today things went pretty steady.
Some things were tense and awkward, within all groups it seems.
And as My Chem say, "you only hear the music when your heart begins to break"
It's true.
You don't realise what you've got till it's gone.
You don't realise what you've really lost until the hurt really digs in and starts.
You just don't know.
But there are things that can't be changed.
So you've sometimes just got to learn to live with the music.

Also, new Harry Potter movie, is epicly amazing, I LOVE RON!!! and Dobby :D And Nevelle, omfg you got really bloody hot!!

I'm who I've got to be...

So it seems that some things have ended.
They were amazing and I will always cherish the memories.
And if things mend they mend, if they don't, it's unfortunate, but I'm not going to dwell on it.
I'm not going to dwell on things anymore that get me down.
There is not really much point when there are things to make you happy you could think about.
Like My Chemical Romance's new album, which I am in love with already.
Or the hopes of a new beginning elsewhere, possibly.
Yes the hopes may crash and fall, and I know that there is a fairly high chance of that.
But I am willing to risk it, because it's worth it, I think.
So I am who I've got to be with what cards life has dealt me.
Sometimes I have to be sad or mad.
Hopeful, hard and stony.
Stubborn, untrusting. Skeptical.
My moods run rampent on me, and I have no say in the swings they take, all I can do is be who I have to be to make it through those mood swings, those valleys and hills, to make it through the situations.
So yes some things have ended, and others are about to begin (maybe), they might change, who knows, but I will just be who I must through it all.

It's all I can do.

I wanna break this spell that you've created...

You know what? Yeah, you were my heroin.
But as hard as heroin is to give up, it is possible.
As is this.
You keep saying you're done well so am I.
I 'placate' because I hate conflict. No harm in trying to make peace last I heard.
Backstabber, whatever. Maybe I am, but if I am it is not intentional. And anyone who I have backstabbed I'm sorry.
I've said I'm sorry. I was. I still am. But this causes way more harm than good.
So I repeat.
I. Am. Done.
It's probably better for both of us.

They can't make you who you are not...

A kid came up to me now just the other day
And asked me if I thought about what I would say
If everything came crashing down on top of me
How would I stay pure?

Will you represent who you stand for?
Will they shame you?
Will they blame you?

It's funny how the words of a child can be
Simple, but the thought there is so meaningful
Makes me wonder what I would say to me
In the eyes of another

Will you represent who you stand for?
Will they shame you?
Will they blame you?

There's a consequence for the path you chose
Will they change you?
Will they make you who you are not? [x3]

Let the free will light your way
In these times of darkened days
Let the free will light your way

You will represent who you stand for
They won't shame you
They won't change you

There's a consequence for the path you chose
They can't change you
They can't make you who you are not

Represent, by the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

It is a brilliant song, I love it.
And it has stuck in my head the last few days, kept me halfway strong, helped me.
Some things are really bad at the moment for me, but I'm surviving like I do.
Other things I think are going good, possibly turning to great, but I don't know.
I guess only time will tell.
For both. Whether the bad will become good again, or the good will stay good or turn great or go bad.
But all any of us can do is represent who we are, and who we stand for, to the best of our abilities, to our purest, truest form.
No matter how bad that form may be.
Not matter the consequences.
Because if good things come from being who you are not, how can they truely even be good? If you have to pretend, it isn't real, not really.
So no pretending, just representing.

Don't feel bad, keep your sadness alive..

I won't feel bad.
I am sad. I am hypocrytical. I am selfish. I am a coward. I am a bitch. I am a bad shoulder. I am a bad listener. I am depressed with massive out of control mood swings. I am a horrible person.
But I won't pretend to be happy when I'm not. I won't pretend to be none of the above because I don't believe in lying. So I won't feel bad about being me, I will continue trying to become a better person, however long it takes. But I will not feel bad about my emotions. I will keep them alive and show them.

I know this. I try to live with this. I try to change this.
It's not all that easy. And when you've been in a depressed mood all day and then a blog is all about depressed people and such, it figures that I would assume that.

I'm sorry. I'm trying the best I can. I'm sorry if it's just not good enough. I miss you.

A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice...

Sometimes, stuff stinks.

You hate it.

You hate life.

You hate living.

You hate talking.

You hate breathing.

You hate thinking.

You hate situations.

You hate people.

You hate school.

You hate teachers.

You hate emotions.

You hate decisions.

You hate conversations.

You hate love.

You hate fate.

You hate 'God'.

You hate everything.

You Hate You.

And these sometimes,

It seems nothing will get you out of hating.

Out of deliberating.

Out of self-pity.

Out of denial.

Out Of Hope.

But occasionally you get a fright.

Somebody knocks you into place.

Into line.

Into a clear headspace.

Into breathing.

Into living.

Into reality.



That's what friends are for. And that's why I love mine. xx

“A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.”
Edgar Watson Howe

"You think you know a guy..."

Things happen
People change
Nothing ever stays the same

Friends lie
People cry
In the end we all will die

People anger
They confuse
Things we care for we will lose

Hearts break
Rivers flow
There's always things no one will know

Souls dim
People toy
It seems we can't help but destroy

Truths unveil
Knowledge dies
And you think you know a guy..



yeah, been an interesting day, and thought 'hey I haven't written a blog for today' and then my mojo hit me and here we have it.
the title is quoted from Timone from The Lion King (lol love that movie!) and I like it, because you do.
and then something changes, and it's like 'who are you? I miss who you used to be, I miss our talks, our friendship, your advice' you never know when it will happen. But it just does sometimes. and it sucks.

cya xx

love is just a chemical reaction...

I figured it out, what love is.
I already knew it, just was looking outside the box yesterday.
As Boys Like Girls sing in 'Me and You':

"we're all looking for someone,
to take away the pain...
love is just a chemical reaction"

It is so unbelievably true, I love their music.
As my best buddy Bek says, and I do, the heart is just a muscle.
Emotions are caused by chemical reactions in our bodies, pheremones.
Animals are still in touch with reading pheremones, most humans are not,
we use other methods of communication now, but some are still in touch with the pheremone system,
psychics as most call them.
Bek is this.
But really, love is just one of these pheremonal chemical reactions in our bodies that makes us feel things.
You have an attraction to another person, it is just a subconscious pheremonal recognisation or click.
Or at least that is the way I have interpereted the information I have read.

In truth, we can't control 'love' because love is just a chemical reaction.

xx

What is Love?

Is it that funny feeling in your torso after a text or smile?
Is it when a thought of that person brings a secret smile to your face?
Or is it when they tell you what you don't want to hear? when nobody else will?
Because they love you and care too much to watch you destroy yourself?
Is it knowing they will always be there to tell you the blunt truth?
When they open your eyes to things you were oblivious to? things you were blocking out and didn't want to see? things that you needed to see?
Is love honesty and trust?
Is it happiness and peace?
Or is it simply being so comfortable with that person, that you can fight,
you can tell each other what has to be said, what they don't want to hear,
Is it when they are the only person willing to risk their happiness, even safety, to try to get through to you?
To try to help and be there for you? through it all, all of your issues?

I don't know love. That is obvious.
But what I do know, is that it is hard, it is confusing, and it takes committment and effort and patience.
It takes your all.

You like somone, and think they like you back, but wham! they like somebody else, but are confused, which confuses you, and confuses them, and confuses everybody because it is all just confusing confusionistic confusion. Which is why some people are scared of liking people which could turn into loving people and being vulnerable. I am one of those people. I am scared of love, of a lot of irrational things. But I, and others, need to try and see that to be happy, to achieve, you have to take the risks in life. Or you will just be living in a constant stand still. A constant  crossroads.

anyway, big enough ramble for a first blog hey?
cya's xx