Why?

Why are you always so confusing?

The stuff you say and do

Why is it that I've no idea

What's up with me and you?

Why can't my mind make itself up?

About my feelings, what I want.

Why is it that I'm hot then cold?

It seems it's just to taunt.

Why are there so many ridges?

All these valley's filled with pain.

Why is it that these ups and downs

Leave nothing there to gain?

Why can't just one thing stick?

You decide and that is that.

Why is it that complications

Always pop out of the hat?

Why do obsticals exist?

Is it to make life interesting?

Why is it life must be so hard

As if it's in us 'God' is investing.

Why can't conflict just cease?

All these riots come to an end.

Why is it we must always fight?

What is there really to defend?

I could probably continue writing more and more and more of this forever atm, but I'm over it. I'm tired and my head hurts. I'm confused and just I don't know. I don't know what I want. I don't know what my feelings are. I don't know 'who' I want. I don't know any of it. And I can't seem to come up with any answers either. And some people (don't think either read this so don't fret peeps) just make it that much harder and more difficult and full of confusion and fuzz and messed-upedness. As I trademark go:

Just, Yeah...

Synthetic Sensations...

So we have feelings, right?

Sensations.

We think we control them.

But we don't.

Do we know them?

Our true feelings?

Or do we not recognise them?

Not know how to.

How do you know what you feel is real?

And not just some synthetic, made up, sensation.

How do you distinguish fake from true?

Imaginings from reality?

How do you know any of it?

You don't.

I don't at least.

Ever.

I don't trust my emotions.

My feelings.

My decisions.

So I never know.

Because I second guess,

And ask myself if it is real,

Or if it is just a synthetic sensation.

Me and you and my medication.

Me, You And My Medication - Boys like Girls, some of the stuff in there was gathered from these lyrics, as is the title. Love this song, have quoted it before "love is just a chemical reaction" and yeah.

I guess it really is just me and you and my medication, and synthetic sensations, and chemical reactions -.-

Some friends become enemies, some friends become your family...

Some enemies become friends too.
It's weird that way, you can go years hating someone.
Because their first impression was so bad, and stuck for so long.
Because you hated that first impression.
With so much passion that you fought anything to do with them.
You fought conversation.
You fought them.
You glared at them whenever you saw them.
You yelled and screamed at them to 'fuck off and leave you alone!'
You tried everything.
But then you can connect with something, some shared experience or part of life.
Some shared concept of your past.
Some shared aspect of you, that nobody else gets.
And BAM it changes, you can relate, you can see past that crappy first impression.
You can become friends, be there for each other.
Through the stuff that others just don't get, because they can't.
It's weird, life, that way.
You can go from absolutely hating somebody with so much of your being, and then change to being so close, and having such a connection and understanding and love of one another.
Life, it's just messed up isn't it?

We can live forever, if you've got the time...

So yesterday was alright, school, was well boring.
English no teacher, had mad fun with Bea and her poor poor mind which she made me suffer with her, and my turning into the delirious state of tiredness where, as Sam and I were at maccas, some kid (probs around our age) asked if I was high -_-
I was not, but yeah, I get that tired and I act high/drunk/completely out of it. Have been like it on and off the past week.
RETRO!! gig was pretty hardcore, although the floor is quite uncomfy and Bea kept punching me >_< bloody hard too!! and bit my finger!!!! I TOLD YOU SHE WASN'T INNOCENT!! And my legs kept going numb too (hence the punching also)
Bek, I LOVE YOU!! that is all :D
The night had its moments, good and bad, and extremely interesting and such.. but was good :)
Because I was in my amazing Holden shirt :D
I love my mates :D Bea, Steph, Sam, Bek, Bec, all of everybody!!!!!!
... and it seems I love exclamation marks this morning >_> <_<

"And we played the first thing that came to our heads
just so happened to be
the best song in the world, it was the best song in the world
look into my eyes and it's easy to see
one and one make two
two and one make three it was destiny
once every hundred thousand years or so
when the sun doth shine and the moon doth glow
and the grass doth grow hoooo..."
hahahahahahahhahaha dancing like a drunk down deany :D

What if...??

What if?

What if there were no humans?
Would global warming never start?
or would some other species
evolve and fill the missing part?

What if world peace existed?
Would it ever really last?
or would someone eventually snap?
it all ending with a blast

What if everyone were equal?
Would the world still function right?
or would someone have to step up
and take control with all their might?

Sometimes our minds appear so stiff
and it is then we ask,
What if?

 

 

Ahh the good old days :') found this poem from years ago on my myspace this evening, I like it :D

 Myspace how you have changed! Spent all evening remeniscing, was quite amusing lol.

I miss you! I miss having a profile song! >_<

Let's start a myspace revolution and GO BACK!!!

Was the greatest, if only we could have facebook, with profile songs, it would be the ultimate.

I don't like you.

My thoughts today were quite murderous towards you.

It seems I must always fight with someone and it also seems you filled that spot.

I'm sorry things went down like this, but choices were made, and they were bad, and they hurt people.

People that I love.

So yes, right now, I really don't like you.

 

 

I love my friends, you guys are my world, was reading over my old myspace profile too and my info thing about my friends that I never finished, the memories <3 xx

 

bonfire '09 brother challenged sam to a beer sculling comp.. (was 'compulsory')

 

he began dancing funny, roudn in circles, arms going up and down in weird motions jiggin about...

 

pissed herslef laughing at his dancing and wiping her mouth

 

 

BEST BONFIRE EVER!! haha god I love them <3 was a hilarious night

Like soldiers, March on...

Don’t cry, open up your eyes and know
There's someone else out there that feels this way

I’m singing to you
'cause I know what you’ve been through and now
Not so long ago I felt the same

Like soldiers, march on
If we can make it through the night we'll see the sun
March on, march on

I remember summer nights alone
The fireflie's the only thing we own
You're all we ever dreams of California
And I remember winters were so cold
Hunger was the only thing we know
And rock n’ roll dreamin’ was what saved us

Like soldiers
March on
If we can make it through the night we'll see the sun
March on, march on

Till we see the sun (March on)
Till we see the sun

Through the good times
Through the bad times
Through the long days
Through the hard nights
Keep on till we see the sun
Like soldiers, march on
If we can make it through the night we'll see the sun
March on, march on

Even when there’s no one there for you march onEven when the days are long for you march onLike soldiers March on!

First ever favourite in Good Charlotte was a brilliant choice I think.

Their stuff is real.

It is motivational.

It helps me through hard times.

It makes me march on.

And there is a sun :)

We made it through the rough night and I don't care how bad it got.

I love you Rebekkah Lee Henderson <3

Sometimes we take our shit out on each other but it's just how we are it seems.

It's sticking by each other through it that makes you my best bud.

This past week and a half has full on just sucked without you.

But eh, each time, I'll hack it out till we see the sun :)

Even if I may say I'm done, I don't know if I could ever mean it.

xx

Why did I trust you?

You come on strong with a great
Big smile
But your teeth are as sharp as a
Crocodile
You promised me the moon and
The stars and the sun
But you never did nothin’ for
Anyone
Can’t look me in the face or
Straight in the eye
I’d buy the movie rights to your
Alibi
I wonder how long you will go
I wonder how high your head will
Blow
You’re a psychopathic liar
Your soul is on fire
You’re bluffin’ with nuthin’
While the stakes are gettin’ higher
Why trust you
You never made a dream come
True
Why trust you
Give me one good reason, one
Good reason why
You come to me all teary-eyed
With your big tall tale way up in
The sky
Begging on your knees for
Another chance
But everybody knows that’s a
Song and a dance
There used to be a time when you
Were the best
You had the fastest tongue in the
West
Ya gave a look and a line like
Nobody else
You’d try to sell the Bible to the
Devil, himself
You sadistic little liar
You’re walkin’ on the wire
You’re bluffin’ up with nothin’
And the bills are gettin’ higher
Why trust you
Give me one good reason, one
Good reason why
Trust you
The noose is getting tighter
Your face is turning whiter
You can stuff it up your muffin
And go stick it in the fire
Why trust you
You never made a dream come
True
Why trust you, give me one good
Reason, one good reason
Why trust you, you never made a
Dream come true
Why trust you, give me one good
Reason, one good reason
Why trust you, why trust you
Why trust you, why trust you
Why trust you

WHY TRUST YOU? - ALICE COOPER

Why trust anyone? There are only a few people in the world who I trust, and even then it's not full trust.

I have major issues with trust.

With apparently bloody good reason.

I trusted you. I took a chance and trusted you.

Now my trust issues are only 10 million times worse and that is your fault. Never again. Ever.