I can't do this

omg why can't I do this?
all I can do is procrastinate, stress, break down and cry.
every fucking assessment.
why can't I break this goddamn pattern and make things easier on myself?
I might as well kiss my dreams of becoming a lawyer goodbye considering I am never going to get the marks I need in english to get into the course.
good job mind and self; you went and crushed my hopes and dreams yet again.
fuck me, myself, this person typing here now. Fuck that person.
I cannot keep doing this.
Yet I can't stop

"Go on! What are you doing? Get off the computer!"

"Wah-uh- I'm trying to sort everything out so that we don't pay as much money in the long run!""... Oh... ok then.""I don't just sit on the computer and play games. I've been sorting this out and doing my course!"

This, and shit like this, and silences stretching for days filled with animosity, is what I have to live with now.
Not even towards me.
Well, the silences laced with animosity are a lot of the time.

But this crap? This is just them.

I have no idea how I am going to survive here without murder.



http://www.barnorama.com/photos-of-unbelievable-situations/ ok so from this site and then these 3 I got from another wicked one the same one I foudn link here from but don't remember but knocke yourselves out this is whast screwed my english and bio up lol

I'm sorry mum

To my dearest mother, even though you'll never read this, I'm sorry :(
I'm sorry that he and I can't get along
and that we fight so much and have to go around the house like the other doesn't exist

I'm sorry I get so annoyed and pissed off with him and his kids
I'm sorry for causing you to be so unhappy because of this
for making you not know what to do
because you see how unhappy with this place I am
I'm sorry that I can't hold my tongue and cause fights instead
I'm sorry that I snap at your family and am rude and obnoxious
I'm sorry that I can't be the daughter you deserve

that I'm not good enough for you
and only cause you copius amounts of stress and disquiet
I'm sorry that I snap and swear at you when I'm stressed
and for the way I speak to you and treat you
I don't deserve you
I'm just really fucking sorry for the shit I put you through every single day.

And that I can't seem to right any of it, however hard I try.
I love you mum <3

the dopest on the dancefloor

This world, this world is cold
But you don't, you don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely
And no one seems to care
You're mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know

Days, you say they're way too long
And your nights, you can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for
But you don't want to know more
And you're not sure what you're looking for
But you don't want to know more

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know

Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on

What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know, what you're doing to me?
Go ahead, what are you waiting for?

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know

Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over

Hold on, if you feel like letting go
Hold on, it gets better than you know
Hold on

frickin love it!!!

in my mind if I ever get a tattoo I wanted to have it a browny type colour, not black, and how freaking trippy is it?!?!? found it whilst researching XD

.... was gonna kinda be like this but I have better win win plans now :)

you're not the person that I knew back then

I'm a mess that's the best way to describe it
I leave no time to myself the only way I can fight it
When I'm alone it's like I'm staring into a mirror
Don't know the person inside it and that's never been any clearer
I miss our family and I miss all my friends
If you had it to do over your do it over again
Cause I would, it means something more to me
There's a whole in my heart where you use to be

I still wish you the best of luck baby
And don't go thinking this was a waste of time
I couldn't forget you if I tried
You killed what was left of the good in me
I'm tired so let me be broken
Look down at the mess that's infront of me
No other words may be spoken
And I've got nobody else to blame though I tried
Kept all of my past mistakes down inside
I'll live with regret for my whole life

I confess, that I brought this all on my self
Condemned to suffer alone, like there's nobody else
When your gone, it's like a whole part of me's missing
So I'll keep living the lie and just hope that your listening

What doesn't make us alive here
But our foundation was built for sin
Now stop and run until the damage was done
And I've never had the upper hand

I still wish you the best of luck baby
And don't go thinking this was a waste of time
I couldn't forget you if I tried
You killed what was left of the good in me
I'm tired so let me be broken
Look down at the mess that's infront of me
No other words may be spoken
And I've got nobody else to blame though I tried
Kept all of my past mistakes down inside
I'll live with regret for my whole life

All the things you love are all the things I hate
How did we get here in the first place?

All but your cold blood inside your mind (All my trust)
Is always burning inside of me (All the way)
I can't make any more progress I know I'll faint
The only thing that can heal this this time is space

You killed what was left of the good in me
I'm tired so let me be broken
Look down at the mess that's infront of me
No other words may be spoken
And I've got nobody else to blame though I tried
Kept all of my past mistakes down inside
I'll live with regret for my whole life
For my whole life

~

You brought your worst and I’m right here
Now I've seen it all, and it’s never been so clear

You’re not the person that I knew back then
It’s all too late to set things straight cause
everything has been
You’re not the person that I knew back then
Lets try and act like this didn’t happen
Follow your friends like you ever had them

~

Give me 2-3 weeks.
2-3 weeks and I can finally be rid of this crap for good.

2-3 weeks until I'm free.

I can smell the sweet scent of freedom already :)

* ~ for me means a new sections, most of the time unrelated to the others

this lack of self control I fear is never ending.

You instill an amount of hate inside of me that I cannot quench.
And anger.
And just this feeling of helplessness that I can do nothing about what the fuck you have done.
I can normally control these feelings when I have to, when I have no choice with the person they are against.
But you?
You are SO bad it has slipped.
And I cannot regain it.
I'm angry and shaking all the time.
I'm murderous.
First you tried to ruin my mother.
And now you're doing the same fucking shit with me.
And the worst part?
I can't do anything about it!
Because you are you.
And you have the power.
And they would never believe me over you.
Why would they?
They can't see what you're actually like.
You managed to turn some of mums close alliances against her.
And just look at what you've done to me.
You. Are. The devil.

She used to believe that I had so much potential.
That she would put me in the position you now have in the blink of an eye if I were old enough and out of school.
She trusted me after a month with things only the top of the food chain should know and have responsibility of.

And now?
She can't even write me a god damn letter she wrote in a day for another!
IT'S BEEN 2 FUCKING MONTHS!
I found the emails.
The way you twist things so she thinks worse of me.
The way that you have her thinking of me as a stupid, annoying little junior again.
That she can't even have the decency to write me a refernce letter so I can go and get another job.

Fuck. You.

When I am done here, and my oath it's going to be ASAP, if I ever see you again, do not expect peace and friendliness and my being polite.
You should expect what I have been wanting to say and do to you for almost a year.
Because there will be nothing stopping me after.
I don't give a fuck if I go over the top and end up beating you to a pulp or killing you.

So yeah, sorry guys I needed to vent.
And still it has done nothing and I am still shaking >:[
Fucks sake I'm going to kill her one day.
No, that's right.
I'm going to maim her beyond belief.
That would be harder for her than death.