So I'm sick of being angry.
It takes too much energy and makes me too self centered,
which cause me to do or not do things that hurt people that I care immensely about.
So I'm over it.
I will try and be civil if we run into each other,
I've deleted the pictures which I hadn't meant to get shown to people at the party, that was an accident.
I won't be friends with you, I can't do that, but I won't fight.
There is no point in it and it only cause too many people pain.
In relation to this slightly, I would like to make a very big apology to someone.
You know who you are.
I am sorry that things fell through, but trust me, there will be something when you hopefully least expect it, I will make it up to you.
As for my language I can't take that back, I can only work on holding on to my temper better and being more considerate in the future.
I need to take a leaf out of your book, because as you said, you DO put in all your effort to make people feel the center of attention and feel loved and I did the complete opposite of that to you.
I'm sorry.
I can't say that it won't happen again, but I can tell you that I will work my hardest to be more considerate and thoughtful about everything before I do or don't say or do anything in the future.
I love you <3
And I hope you enjoy your birthday party when it happens ;)
Little miss Smiles,
My thoughts are still with you, and I hope that no bad news comes from home about anyone.
I also hope that things at home get better and you are in less trouble soon <3
Monday, December 19, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Can you leave me here alone now
I don't wanna hear you say
That you know me
That I should be
Always doin what you say
Cuz I'm tryin to get through today
And there's one thing I know
I don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna figure this out
I Don't wanna think about you
Or think about nothin
Don't wanna talk this one out
I won't let you bring me down
Cuz I know
I don't wanna think about you
Don't wanna think about you
When I wake up here tomorrow
Things will never be the same
Cuz I won't wait
Cuz you won't change
And you'll always be this way
Now I'm gonna get through today
And there's one thing I know
I don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna figure this out
I don't wanna think about you
Or think about nothin
Don't wanna talk this one out
This time I won't let you bring me down
Won't let you shut me out
This time I know
I don't wanna think about you
Run away
Run away
Running as fast as I can
Run away
Run away
I'll never come back again
Run away
Run away
Don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna figure this out
Don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna talk this one out
I don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna figure this out (figure this out)
I don't wanna think about you
Or think about nothin
Don't wanna talk this one out
This time I won't let you bring me down (bring me down)
Won't let you shut me out (shut me out)
This time I know
I don't wanna think about you
Run away
Run away
I don't wanna think about you
Run away
Run away
I don't wanna think about you
Run away
Run away
I don't wanna think about you
I don't wanna hear you say
That you know me
That I should be
Always doin what you say
Cuz I'm tryin to get through today
And there's one thing I know
I don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna figure this out
I Don't wanna think about you
Or think about nothin
Don't wanna talk this one out
I won't let you bring me down
Cuz I know
I don't wanna think about you
Don't wanna think about you
When I wake up here tomorrow
Things will never be the same
Cuz I won't wait
Cuz you won't change
And you'll always be this way
Now I'm gonna get through today
And there's one thing I know
I don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna figure this out
I don't wanna think about you
Or think about nothin
Don't wanna talk this one out
This time I won't let you bring me down
Won't let you shut me out
This time I know
I don't wanna think about you
Run away
Run away
Running as fast as I can
Run away
Run away
I'll never come back again
Run away
Run away
Don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna figure this out
Don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna talk this one out
I don't wanna think about you
Think about me
Don't wanna figure this out (figure this out)
I don't wanna think about you
Or think about nothin
Don't wanna talk this one out
This time I won't let you bring me down (bring me down)
Won't let you shut me out (shut me out)
This time I know
I don't wanna think about you
Run away
Run away
I don't wanna think about you
Run away
Run away
I don't wanna think about you
Run away
Run away
I don't wanna think about you
I love working with books.
Even if there are shitty customers or back pains,
It makes everything pretty much go away to a tiny place in the back of my head.
I'm in love with my job.
Totes gonna marry it <3
Even if there are shitty customers or back pains,
It makes everything pretty much go away to a tiny place in the back of my head.
I'm in love with my job.
Totes gonna marry it <3
I want this book so fucking bad! I was going to get it today but I had to sell it :(
So now mine is on order ^_^
*And so the soothsayer said to her, "You will hang, bloody and scun, from the powerlines. Suspended by your vaginal flaps."*
I should be a thriller author.
So now mine is on order ^_^
*And so the soothsayer said to her, "You will hang, bloody and scun, from the powerlines. Suspended by your vaginal flaps."*
I should be a thriller author.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
peace
So it feels good to be finished with school.
I don't know if it's the same for everyone,
but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm genuinely happy.
For the first time since before I can remember.
There is no stress with teachers or playground drama.
No worries about tests and that feeling the opposite of accomplishment from never doing anything.
There are no worries.
On top of this I got a job, finally :)
I literally walked out of my interview with the goofiest grin on my face and made one of those little major excited squeee's you get, while walking down the street.
I might have even skipped a little bit.
And after the first pay went in?
Oh my god.
It feel so good to be able to rely on myself again.
And to be able to pay my mum back for the few things I had to ask for her help with.
It is amazing the self-fulfillment you can get, just from having an income.
I am rambling on, but I haven't written a blog in forever, so I'm just going to cause I'm on a role and avoiding sleep. This is your warning :P
Schoolies was awesome :)
I am the goon queen.
And I am very proud of that fact ^_^ even though I probably shouldn't be..
but I don't care, cause I had fun!
And I have a new found love for tequila shots :P
And fucking hate barcardi. So glad I didn't have what J had on that trip.
That week, was the best week of my life.
Everything began that week.
It signalled the end of school.
I got my job that week.
I let go.
I feel like an entirely new person after that trip.
It's like I was reborn, and yes it would have happened without it as well, but it is symbolic to me now.
I just let go.
Let go, had fun, relaxed; I found my Hakuna Matata.
Prime example, I didn't even move a muscle when my car got dented.
THAT is saying something.
Honestly,
I have the best job in the world.
The greatest friends that I love to absolute death;
I don't know what I would do without them.
You guys are my world,
My rocks,
My anchors,
My gravity. <------ LOL the twilight imprinting reference that flew through my head when I typed this!
I love you <3
I have the most amazing dog that I would do anything for, and if that other dog today actually went at you man, well fuck I would have died before he got you without a fight. I don't give a shit how big of a boxer he was. I would have fought him the fuck away and killed that bitch no matter the damage.
I have a mother that I've only began to truely appreciate this past year.
But love all the more for it.
I can tell her anything, and do, without even meaning to.
She's brilliant :)
OO! I finally made a bolognaise that I'm soooo so proud of! it was amazing! finally one that is in league with my brother and fathers :) So happy!
And I learnt this week how to make lasagna by myself :)
AND I got DB, DBZ, DBGT, plus the movies.
Which I can play through our tv.
On top of all this, I've had the greatest nights out with my beautiful Wifey.
Who happens to be the most persistent person about 'hot potatos'.
You're the most fucking cutest, adorable thing ever!!!
Honestly I think I get just as cutied out inside as you do! lol
Thankyou for a brilliant week away.
Thankyou for pushing/tripping me over a few steps the other day.
Thankyou for dessi'ing.
Thankyou for being you.
And thankyou for taking it into account when I asked you to stop what was irritating me so much.
I appreciate that so much.
I love you <3
I love all of you I call my friends.
Ace gang, councellors, ninjatic, dbz, slushy runs, books, nerves, step up. Everybody.
I really do hope that everyone comes to the sense of peace and achievement that I have come to.
Because it feels amazing.
Life is just amazing now.
This is what I've been waiting for.
This is the rest of my life.
I don't know if it's the same for everyone,
but I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm genuinely happy.
For the first time since before I can remember.
There is no stress with teachers or playground drama.
No worries about tests and that feeling the opposite of accomplishment from never doing anything.
There are no worries.
On top of this I got a job, finally :)
I literally walked out of my interview with the goofiest grin on my face and made one of those little major excited squeee's you get, while walking down the street.
I might have even skipped a little bit.
And after the first pay went in?
Oh my god.
It feel so good to be able to rely on myself again.
And to be able to pay my mum back for the few things I had to ask for her help with.
It is amazing the self-fulfillment you can get, just from having an income.
I am rambling on, but I haven't written a blog in forever, so I'm just going to cause I'm on a role and avoiding sleep. This is your warning :P
Schoolies was awesome :)
I am the goon queen.
And I am very proud of that fact ^_^ even though I probably shouldn't be..
but I don't care, cause I had fun!
And I have a new found love for tequila shots :P
And fucking hate barcardi. So glad I didn't have what J had on that trip.
That week, was the best week of my life.
Everything began that week.
It signalled the end of school.
I got my job that week.
I let go.
I feel like an entirely new person after that trip.
It's like I was reborn, and yes it would have happened without it as well, but it is symbolic to me now.
I just let go.
Let go, had fun, relaxed; I found my Hakuna Matata.
Prime example, I didn't even move a muscle when my car got dented.
THAT is saying something.
Honestly,
I have the best job in the world.
The greatest friends that I love to absolute death;
I don't know what I would do without them.
You guys are my world,
My rocks,
My anchors,
My gravity. <------ LOL the twilight imprinting reference that flew through my head when I typed this!
I love you <3
I have the most amazing dog that I would do anything for, and if that other dog today actually went at you man, well fuck I would have died before he got you without a fight. I don't give a shit how big of a boxer he was. I would have fought him the fuck away and killed that bitch no matter the damage.
I have a mother that I've only began to truely appreciate this past year.
But love all the more for it.
I can tell her anything, and do, without even meaning to.
She's brilliant :)
OO! I finally made a bolognaise that I'm soooo so proud of! it was amazing! finally one that is in league with my brother and fathers :) So happy!
And I learnt this week how to make lasagna by myself :)
AND I got DB, DBZ, DBGT, plus the movies.
Which I can play through our tv.
On top of all this, I've had the greatest nights out with my beautiful Wifey.
Who happens to be the most persistent person about 'hot potatos'.
You're the most fucking cutest, adorable thing ever!!!
Honestly I think I get just as cutied out inside as you do! lol
Thankyou for a brilliant week away.
Thankyou for pushing/tripping me over a few steps the other day.
Thankyou for dessi'ing.
Thankyou for being you.
And thankyou for taking it into account when I asked you to stop what was irritating me so much.
I appreciate that so much.
I love you <3
I love all of you I call my friends.
Ace gang, councellors, ninjatic, dbz, slushy runs, books, nerves, step up. Everybody.
I really do hope that everyone comes to the sense of peace and achievement that I have come to.
Because it feels amazing.
Life is just amazing now.
This is what I've been waiting for.
This is the rest of my life.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Peace, in some aspects at the least
So apparently I smile in my sleep.
I think I like that fact.
I think I like that fact.
It means that my head is at a bit of peace I think.
To be able to dream whatever I was and be content to be able to dream it and be happy about it.
It's a nice feeling.
:)
Love you Wifey <3
Love you Wifey <3
And my Gang, always and forever dudes xx
Monday, November 14, 2011
51 things to make you smile
51 Things That Will Make You Smile
by Lori Deschene
Some days, it’s easy to smile. You wake up to the sounds of birds chirping, with the warm glow of the morning sun cradling your face. You take several deep, cleansing breaths standing beneath a perfectly cascading shower, just before drawing a smiley face on the steamed-up glass with your index finger.
Your roommate or significant other makes your coffee, just the way you like it. You hit every traffic light. You sing to your favorite tunes. And you arrive at work refreshed, excited, and anxious to create and collaborate.
But not every day starts this way. Sometimes you wake up to chaos, in your head or in the world around you. You hit snags, and bumps, and roadblocks at every turn. You try too hard, or don’t try enough, and things fall apart, or things fall short.
You struggle, you fight yourself and other people, and you find yourself wishing you could stop the world so you could get off for a while.
But there is an alternative. When things go wrong, you can fall down or look up. You can shut down or wake up, all over again, starting from right where you stand. You can accept that the days won’t always look bright, but commit to finding something worth smiling about. Not sure what that might be? No worries, friends! I have a few ideas….
1. Call a friend who knows how to laugh at herself to remember what it’s like not to take yourself too seriously.
2. Ask a friend to come over and make you smile. It’s really simple and obvious, I know, but sometimes we forget to just ask for what we need.
3. Read a letter, card, or email from someone who thought of you when you were going through a hard time.
4. Search your deleted email folder for “thank you.” You probably made a huge difference in someone’s life recently—remember that now!
5. Text a friend, “What’s the funniest thing you’ve heard today?”
6. Text your significant other with a silly picture of you and ask for one in return.
7. Ask your significant other to make you breakfast in bed—and to be creative with it. (I have no idea what that could mean, but just seeing the thought s/he puts into it will likely make it extra fun).
8. Post on your Facebook page, “What made you smile today?” (Like I often do on the Tiny Buddha Facebook page!)
9. Tell a child in your life that you need a hug. Just try to stay stoic when she throws her little arms around your neck and sings “The Sun Will Come out Tomorrow.”
10. Alternatively, ask that child to draw a picture of you and him or her together.
11. Take a break to enjoy a simple pleasure that you often multitask—like a cup of flavored coffee, or a favorite snack.
12. Rearrange your furniture. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel a sense of accomplishment when I do this, and I also really enjoy the novelty of creating a space with a different feel.
13. Give your cat a ball of yarn or give your dog a wrapped gift and watch him try to open it. Pets playing = instant smile, at least, for me!
14. Go out and invest in a hula hoop. It’s nearly impossible to stay glum when you get moving like you haven’t since you were a kid. (Alternative option: jump around on a trampoline and just try to not smile!)
15. For the ladies: paint your toe nails a bright color that you wouldn’t usually pick.
16. Ask a child in your life to do your hair. Seeing yourself with massive 80s bangs (ladies) or a Mohawk-inspired look (men) is sure to get you laughing!
17. Blast your favorite music and dance around with absolutely no regard for rhythm or appearance.
18. Bake something that has a silly face on it. Really—this is a valid suggestion!
19. Eat food that requires you to use your hands, and get messy—and then really get messy. Get rib sauce all over your face and just go with it.
20. Make some type of arts and crafts project, just like you would have as a kid, with plans to give it to someone else. (Two-part smile: when you see the ridiculous thing you made, and when you see your friend’s face after receiving it).
21. Make a snack you loved as a kid. Maybe it’s peanut butter and banana sandwiches, or a sundae with gummy bears on it.
22. Watch a movie or cartoon from your childhood. (Smurfs always do it for me, especially when I remember how my mother called them devil worshipers because Papa Smurf did magic.)
23. Write a hand-written letter to someone you love, using different colored pens.
24. Look at pictures from your childhood. I can’t help but smile when I see the ridiculously thick bangs my mother gave me (translate: the front of a mullet).
25. Pop in the video/DVD from your child’s last recital—or your childhood recital.
26. Call your oldest friend, start a conversation with, “’Member when we…,” and end it with, “That was awesome, huh?”
27. Do an updated version of that awesome thing, right now. Really—grab your markers, or your bike, or your flashlight, or you video camera, and have a childlike adventure.
28. Make a magazine collage of things that always make you smile. Consider it a mini vision board for moments you’d like to create soon.
29. Dress up in clothes you love, just to run a simple errand. When you like how you look, you generally feel good.
30. Wear bright colored socks. If your pants are long, wear a different color on each foot. It’s like a little private joke that only you and your feet know about.
31. Make a beeline to your favorite spot, whether it’s a beach, bike trail, or mall. (No judgment—it’s your favorite spot.)
32. Make time to see the sunrise or sunset, and make it an occasion. Invite a friend and bring wine and a picnic basket. Make a memory, and make it beautiful.
33. Walk by your neighborhood park and soak in the innocence, excitement, and wonder.
34. Grab your camera and go outside with a mission to capture things that make you happy.
35. Make a list of all the amazing things you’ve accomplished and experienced this year, and then bask in the beauty of it all.
36. Tell someone how much they mean to you. Say all the things that might make you feel kind of vulnerable, and then think about how special you just made them feel.
37. Help a neighbor with something, whether it’s pulling weeds from a woman’s garden or running an errand for an elderly man who no longer drives. Two part happiness—forgetting about your own problems, and showing someone that neighborly kindness is not a thing of the past.
38. Ask a friend to tell you what’s new with his or her passion project. Same idea: forget about yourself for a while and watch someone else light up.
39. Commit a random act of kindness and tell that person to pass it on.
40. People-watch with a dialogue-writing slant. As in, find two people sitting across the street and make up a ridiculous conversation in your head that they could be having. I know, it sounds silly, and it is. But it always makes me laugh! (I got this from the movie Date Night, in case it sounds familiar.)
41. Visit a
42. Elf yourself or a friend. (I know this one’s seasonal, but it’s funny year-found!)
43. Spend some time exploring 1000 Awesome Things.
44. Make your own list of awesome things.
45. Use the search functionality on Twitter and look for “happy” or “smile.”
46. Create a gratitude list for the day, including the smallest details (a fluffy pillow) and the biggest things (your health and your family).
47. Take a run around your block. Trigger some endorphins, whittle your waist line, and remember that the world is so much bigger and greater than it seems when sadness closes you down.
48. Laugh out loud. Seriously, just choose to laugh and keep going. (They actually offer laughter yoga and laughter meditation, if you’re interested in checking them out.)
49. Hum your favorite song. Humming has all kinds of benefits—it’s soothing, it centers you, and also calms your nervous system.
50. Make a new friend, in person or by commenting on a blog. Like this one. =)
51. And lastly…watch an uplifting video, like Tiny Buddha’s first YouTube video. I asked readers to submit footage of the things that make them smile, and the end result definitely put a smile on my face:
Try some of these things perhaps? I don't know what helps and when I try like last time I end up making things worse which is not what I want.
If there is anything in particular that you know helps you, let me know, and I'll be sure to provide you with it whenever you need.
I love you <3 You're beautiful
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
little family friggin rant
Dude fuck you.
Don't turn everything around so it's not your fault, and you didn't start it and blah blah fuck up cunt.
Because of you I can't see my cousins.
Because of you I can't see my grandparents or uncle.
Because of you my entire family won't communicate with us.
Because of your shit.
And your lies.
And your fucking mental as fuck shit problems that you blame on my family.
Don't you think our home has enough on it's plate?
That his ex trying to get well over a hundred thousand dollars out of our family and our house and his super isn't enough?
That struggling to get a new business up on it's feet and working their arses off 24/7 not even getting paid for half the hours they do isn't enough?
Fuck you.
You just have to make problems in the business.
You have to make shit her fault.
You have to mess up paperwork and lose things and write out invoices wrong and just fucking shit.
You have to ruin our family.
It was perfect before you got involved.
As much as I always hated you everyone else was fine.
But you had to fuck it up.
Now my mothers own parents won't call in and see us.
Won't call.
Now I want my parents to go ahead and change who my godfather is again. Because the first one that taped over the videos of my first few years of life with cricket, he's fucking better in my eyes right now.
Now I had to be stopped from driving over there and knocking you out tonight.
My word if I'm not allowed to see my cousins tomorrow in my little test, so help your god forsaken 'faith', I will murder you. I will go to prison for the rest of my life for the shit I do to you. And I will be perfectly content with it. At least in prison I'll get to read as much as I want. And get fit.
So fuck you Sonya. Die in a hole. Kill yourself for all I care. You complain about your problems and mental shit and do absolutely nothing to help your family so go and fucking die.
I hate you for what you have done.
Just fucking die.
Sorry for my rant. Not allowed to do it in person so here's where I can.
And I figured we all need a little cheering up so I hope these piccies made you guys laugh as much as they did for me :)
Love you all <3
Don't turn everything around so it's not your fault, and you didn't start it and blah blah fuck up cunt.
Because of you I can't see my cousins.
Because of you I can't see my grandparents or uncle.
Because of you my entire family won't communicate with us.
Because of your shit.
And your lies.
And your fucking mental as fuck shit problems that you blame on my family.
Don't you think our home has enough on it's plate?
That his ex trying to get well over a hundred thousand dollars out of our family and our house and his super isn't enough?
That struggling to get a new business up on it's feet and working their arses off 24/7 not even getting paid for half the hours they do isn't enough?
Fuck you.
You just have to make problems in the business.
You have to make shit her fault.
You have to mess up paperwork and lose things and write out invoices wrong and just fucking shit.
You have to ruin our family.
It was perfect before you got involved.
As much as I always hated you everyone else was fine.
But you had to fuck it up.
Now my mothers own parents won't call in and see us.
Won't call.
Now I want my parents to go ahead and change who my godfather is again. Because the first one that taped over the videos of my first few years of life with cricket, he's fucking better in my eyes right now.
Now I had to be stopped from driving over there and knocking you out tonight.
My word if I'm not allowed to see my cousins tomorrow in my little test, so help your god forsaken 'faith', I will murder you. I will go to prison for the rest of my life for the shit I do to you. And I will be perfectly content with it. At least in prison I'll get to read as much as I want. And get fit.
So fuck you Sonya. Die in a hole. Kill yourself for all I care. You complain about your problems and mental shit and do absolutely nothing to help your family so go and fucking die.
I hate you for what you have done.
Just fucking die.
damnit this one didn't work, maybe click it..
seriously, WTF?!
omg click on this one if it's not working as well because it is fucking legendary!!
Sorry for my rant. Not allowed to do it in person so here's where I can.
And I figured we all need a little cheering up so I hope these piccies made you guys laugh as much as they did for me :)
Love you all <3
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Thankyou, I love you all. For my friends XX
So tonight I have a lot on my mind.
A lot of things I want to say.
Many different topics, although only one serious one.
So here goes :)
A lot of things I want to say.
Many different topics, although only one serious one.
So here goes :)
Part 1:
So first of all,
No more Macca's.
Aside from drinks and ice-cream.
Nothing cooked there, ever, again.
I have learnt the same lesson far too many times and I am so sick of being sick every night I freaking eat this shit.
So from here on out, no more.
Ever.
Part 2:
This movie is fucking stuck in my head.
Mainly the song he sings, but omg it's in my head!!!
And also, HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!! hehe <3
Part 3:
So to the serious of the three topics,
I really love my friends.
I really love my friends.
Thinking about it, I'm not the loner that my brother always makes out that I am anymore.
I am surrounded by the most lovely people,
And I couldn't be more grateful.
And I couldn't be more grateful.
Yeah some of you are so strange I am left speechless staring dumbly sometimes.
And you can be loud, interuptive, or get on my nerves and make me snap.
But it's what makes a friendship.
You guys keep me level.
Long-term friends.
Friends I just made on the weekend.
Those we've been through the roughest times I've had in a friendship.
Those where we don't have to talk for months, yet we're still mates and can count on each other at the drop of a hat.
I have friends that have made me love things I've never loved before.
And friends that can bring a smile to my face no matter what,
Just by being there,
Or hugging me,
Or doing something that is just so 'them' that I can't help by smile because I love you all so much.
*There are those who insult our friendship,
and can insult me or make it seem we aren't friends and muck around,
But they're some of the closest ones
I've got friends I've had for years.
And those I haven't.
A lot of you have seen me at my worst last year.
You've helped me through my toughest times and kept me going.
And now I'm seeing that it's all paying off.
Maybe it's the anti-depressents,
Maybe it's the knowledge and boost in my health,
But I don't think so.
I think it's you guys.
I know it is.
You've all brought me back up to a state where I am ok.
The average day is good now.
My only complaint is that I'm tired and that's ok.
I love it :)
I love you all, each and every single one of you,
whether we talk a lot or once every few months, you'll know if I love you,
I love you all, each and every single one of you,
whether we talk a lot or once every few months, you'll know if I love you,
because people know when I don't.
I want to say thankyou to you all.
I want to say thankyou to you all.
For standing by me.
For forgiving me.
For coming back.
For being there.
For helping me get back to being me.
<3
One last thing, if you're reading this thinking pfft she's so into herself and pity and attention, I hate her, then guess what? I hate you too :) So piss off out of my blog if it gets under your skin as much as I do.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
ok
yes I told one person you had sex
no I shouldn't have
no that person didn't tell anyone else
everyone else already thought you had anyway
so get the fuck over it
it is no excuse to vandalise my car.
nothing is an excuse for that.
next time, call me a bitch to my face. don't just write it over my car.
never touch my fucking car again or I will gut you alive.
yes I told one person you had sex
no I shouldn't have
no that person didn't tell anyone else
everyone else already thought you had anyway
so get the fuck over it
it is no excuse to vandalise my car.
nothing is an excuse for that.
next time, call me a bitch to my face. don't just write it over my car.
never touch my fucking car again or I will gut you alive.
I know I fucked up this time
Just give me one more try
I know you’ve made up your mind
So leave me here behind you
And all the things you said
Made it harder to breathe
When I was lying on the floor
I couldn’t believe you wouldn’t save me
But you blame me
You cried, the fire just died
It’s gone forever
And the chance to live our lives
It’s gone forever
And where we stand tonight
It’s where we stand tonight
So far from never
I know I messed with your mind
And wasted all your precious time
The more I try, the more I find that
All the things you’ve said
Made it harder to breathe
When I was lying on the floor
I couldn’t believe you wouldn’t save me
But you blame me
You cried, the fire just died
It’s gone forever
And the chance to live our lives
It’s gone forever
And where we stand tonight
It’s where we stand tonight
So far from
No one will never let you down
No one will never let you down
No one will never let you down
No one will never let you down
Cause the fire has just died
It’s gone forever
And the chance to live our lives
It’s gone forever
And where we stand tonight
It’s where we stand tonight
So far from never
So far from never
You said you’d never let me down
You said you’d never let me down
Just give me one more try
I know you’ve made up your mind
So leave me here behind you
And all the things you said
Made it harder to breathe
When I was lying on the floor
I couldn’t believe you wouldn’t save me
But you blame me
You cried, the fire just died
It’s gone forever
And the chance to live our lives
It’s gone forever
And where we stand tonight
It’s where we stand tonight
So far from never
I know I messed with your mind
And wasted all your precious time
The more I try, the more I find that
All the things you’ve said
Made it harder to breathe
When I was lying on the floor
I couldn’t believe you wouldn’t save me
But you blame me
You cried, the fire just died
It’s gone forever
And the chance to live our lives
It’s gone forever
And where we stand tonight
It’s where we stand tonight
So far from
No one will never let you down
No one will never let you down
No one will never let you down
No one will never let you down
Cause the fire has just died
It’s gone forever
And the chance to live our lives
It’s gone forever
And where we stand tonight
It’s where we stand tonight
So far from never
So far from never
You said you’d never let me down
You said you’d never let me down
I. Am. In Love.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
the bravery = love
Ooowwww
Ooowwww
Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna leave this place for good
Under the ground
I'll live down there without a sound
And never hear
These hissing voices all the same
I'll disappear
Cause living makes me feel ashamed
Ooowwww
Ooowwww
I must believe
There's more above us and below
I must believe
Stranded with this bitch called hope
It keeps me here
When all I wanna do is go
It keeps me here
When all I wanna do is disappear
If this is it
When all we have and ever will
If this is it
Time is running out and standing still
I'll leave today
Cause there's nothing left to keep me here
I'll fade away
I'll turn my back and disappear
The city moves
Lunges up right from the ground
The seething Earth
It opens up and spits us out
This vicious child
Nature never wanted us
This vicious child
A cancer burning black into its heart
If this is it
When all we have and ever will
If this is it
Time is running out and standing still
I'll leave today
Cause there's nothing left to keep me here
I'll fade away
I'll turn my back and disappear
Ooowwww
Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna leave this place for good
Under the ground
I'll live down there without a sound
And never hear
These hissing voices all the same
I'll disappear
Cause living makes me feel ashamed
If this is it
When all we have and ever will
If this is it
Time is running out and standing still
I'll leave today
Cause there's nothing left to keep me here
I'll fade away
I'll turn my back and disappear
I'll turn my back and disappear
Ooowwww
Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna leave this place for good
Under the ground
I'll live down there without a sound
And never hear
These hissing voices all the same
I'll disappear
Cause living makes me feel ashamed
Ooowwww
Ooowwww
I must believe
There's more above us and below
I must believe
Stranded with this bitch called hope
It keeps me here
When all I wanna do is go
It keeps me here
When all I wanna do is disappear
If this is it
When all we have and ever will
If this is it
Time is running out and standing still
I'll leave today
Cause there's nothing left to keep me here
I'll fade away
I'll turn my back and disappear
The city moves
Lunges up right from the ground
The seething Earth
It opens up and spits us out
This vicious child
Nature never wanted us
This vicious child
A cancer burning black into its heart
If this is it
When all we have and ever will
If this is it
Time is running out and standing still
I'll leave today
Cause there's nothing left to keep me here
I'll fade away
I'll turn my back and disappear
Ooowwww
Sometimes I feel
Like I wanna leave this place for good
Under the ground
I'll live down there without a sound
And never hear
These hissing voices all the same
I'll disappear
Cause living makes me feel ashamed
If this is it
When all we have and ever will
If this is it
Time is running out and standing still
I'll leave today
Cause there's nothing left to keep me here
I'll fade away
I'll turn my back and disappear
I'll turn my back and disappear
Saturday, October 15, 2011
cause we're the three best friends that anyone could have
If it's what you need, go for it.
I'm here with you, however you want me to be there.
Just be safe.
Do what you need yes, but please be safe about it.
I'm always a phone call away and will come whenever you need me.
No matter the situation.
No judgement.
Just being there.
I can't wait till you're 18, you as well.
We're going to have so much fun.
Probably get in loads of crap and do stuff we normally wouldn't.
But so what.
If it's what you need, or I need, and you need, I know we will always be there for each other to just do it at the drop of a hat to take care of each other.
I love you <3
Never forget or doubt that.
even just chillin in a car all stalkerlike at a park, I still have the best time, no matter how tired and grumpy I am xx
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
sex.
Ok. So I'm going to talk about sex.
I hate it.
I hate it.
I want nothing to do with it.
Ever.
All it causes, is problems,
complications,
pain,
envy,
fights,
betrayal,
every bad feeling in the world can come from sex.
So I don't care anymore how good it might be.
How amazing it may be even if you do wait.
I'm not having it.
I'll still be normal with all my dirty mindedness and wrong jokes and all that.
But if I have to listen about people having sex?
Fuck off.
I do not want to know.
It's a stupid instinct. I hate it.
Sorry, had to angry-type while trying to sleep -_-
Sunday, October 9, 2011
And I thought we were friends.
I hate finding stuff out about someone that I don't want to find out.
It completely changes your view of them
Your feelings towards them
It fucks with your head and makes you feel stabbed in the back.
Finding it out from someone else too, it makes you feel like they don't give two shits about you.
Now comes the part of trying to figure the fuck out how to get past it.
And how to act like I don't know.
Because I'm not supposed to.
The person that told me wasn't supposed to.
Just fuck.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/EPo5wWmKEaI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
I. Fucking. Hate. This song.
I. Fucking. Hate. This song.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
You know yeah, you never knew why I stopped talking to you.
You never knew why I got so pissed and upset.
You never knew what you did.
Well, I never told you.
But you would have known, because you did it.
And if you couldn't see that it was wrong and harmful to me, then I made the right choice cutting things off all those years ago.
But I finally put in the effort.
I finally swallowed my pride and put my grudge behind me.
I made the first move.
And you threw it back in my face.
You rejected it.
So fuck you.
Screw you.
Screw being civil if we run into each other.
And screw letting go of grudges of my own accord.
From now on, I am not putting in the first lot of effort in fixing a friendship.
Ever again.
I honestly don't even know why we got these.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
results of last free 'study' periods, and random ituning
What happened to you and me?
One moment changed everything
It's done and there's no way to take it back
Mistake gave me the pain I never had
There is no way to justify it so
Now i breathe in and let it go
This is the end of everything
Goodbye my only
I hang my head and i give in
Goodbye my only friend
Part of me I'll never see
Come visit me in my dreams
I feel my actions are destroying me
Deep down below the shallow life I lead
The pain is mine to keep and call my own
I'll carry it until i'm gone
This is the end of everything
Goodbye my only
I hang my head and i give in
Goodbye my only friend
I cant forgive myself that i let go
My life is worth no more than yours i know
This is the end of everything
Goodbye my only
I hang my head and i give in
Goodbye my only friend
One moment changed everything
It's done and there's no way to take it back
Mistake gave me the pain I never had
There is no way to justify it so
Now i breathe in and let it go
This is the end of everything
Goodbye my only
I hang my head and i give in
Goodbye my only friend
Part of me I'll never see
Come visit me in my dreams
I feel my actions are destroying me
Deep down below the shallow life I lead
The pain is mine to keep and call my own
I'll carry it until i'm gone
This is the end of everything
Goodbye my only
I hang my head and i give in
Goodbye my only friend
I cant forgive myself that i let go
My life is worth no more than yours i know
This is the end of everything
Goodbye my only
I hang my head and i give in
Goodbye my only friend
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