sing about everyone that you left behind...

Sing it out,
Boy, you’ve got to see what tomorrow brings.
Sing it out,
Girl, you’ve got to be what tomorrow needs.

For every time
that they want to count you out,
and use your voice
every single time you open up your mouth

Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls
every time you that you lose it sing it for the world
Sing it from the heart
Sing it till you’re nuts
Sing it out for the words that’ll hate your guts
Sing it for the death
Sing it for the blood
Sing about everyone that you left behind
Sing it for the world
Sing it for the world

Sing it out, boy they’re gonna sell what tomorrow means
Sing it out girl, with all the kill what tomorrow brings
You’ve got to
make a choice,
if the music drowns you out.
And raise your voice,
every single time they try and shut your mouth.

Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls
every time you that you lose it sing it for the world
Sing it from the heart
Sing it till you’re nuts
Sing it out for the words that’ll hate your guts
Sing it for the death
Sing it for the blood
Sing about everyone that you left behind
Sing it for the world
Sing it for the world

Cleaned up corporation,

Park rats dying in the
process
Children that can talk about it
Living on the
railways
creeping, moving sideways
sell it till your last days
Buy yourself the motivation!

Should’ve reckoned nothing
Nothing ’bout a dance
Burning down the white tree
I am not the singer that you wanted,
but a dancer,
I refuse to answer
Talk about the past, son,
Rolling for the ones who want to get away

Keep running!

Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls
every time you that you lose it sing it for the world
Sing it from the heart
Sing it till you’re nuts
Sing it out for the words that’ll hate your guts
Sing it for the death
Sing it for the blood
Sing about everyone that you left behind
Sing it for the world
Sing it for the world

You’ve got to sing what tomorrow brings!
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world
Yeah, you’ve got to be what tomorrow needs!
Sing it for the world,
Sing it for the world.

I love this song. And these pics. And those nights, where you are completely knackered, from being woken up at 530 to see what santa brought us all, from way strong antihistameins that knock me out, from too much noise and chaos for any one day, from family, and then you are in bed, and about to sleep, saying goodnights, and then get told someone has something to tell you but they need their sleep so won't yet and all. Well then it's granted that you won't be able to sleep. And will think up any possible thing it could be. And torture yourself. Torture yourself with what it could be, and then think over everything else with tangents in your mind and think over all the bad things that have happened this past 6 months.

Next year, you will be a good year. Because if you aren't, then so help you, I will find a way to kill you. I don't know how to kill a year but I will find a way and make it bloody happen.

So 2011, there is my warning, there is my hope, take it, leave it, but by all means make the right fucking choice. :)

I want you to take me with you...

Please forgive me if I seem forward
But I've never been in front of anything like you
Its the last place I ever thought I'd be
When I woke up this morning
Is it true?
And that you're always this breathtaking
And your smart and you're willing
My God this is killing me

Tell me all the things you never said
We can lie here and talk for hours in my bed

I don't have anything to hide
I don't have anything
Everything is not for certain
I don't have anything to hide
I don't have anything
Everything is not for certain

You started to see right through me
And I'm loving every minute of it
Its like I'm born again
Every time I breath in so,
If you're curious,
My favorite color's blue
And I like to sing in the shower
If you like, I'll sing to you

Tell me all the things you never said
We can lie here and talk for hours in my bed

I don't have anything to hide
I don't have anything
Everything is not for certain
I don't have anything to hide
I don't have anything
Every thing is not for certain

Tell me all of your hopes,
All of your dreams
I want you to take me there (take me there)
Tell me all of your hopes,
all of your dreams
I want to take you there (take you there)
Tell me everything
Every breath, I want you to know I'll be there
Theres just one more thing,
One request
I want you to take me with you

Take me with you
I will never let you down
I will love you now and forever
[x6]

 

Feature in my semi dream, feature in my blog.

I did like my dream/semi dreams last night/this morning.

They were quite nice, relaxing, interesting.

They made me crave a campfire, a small one.

Out in the bush, flat plane with some trees and rocks, and a rocky hill a few hundred metres away.

With my car a few metres from the fire.

And sitting in between, relaxing, having fun.

And then playing this song on guitar and singing it in the firelight.

It was nice :) I wouldn't mind at all that dream coming true.

It was away from everything.

Away from all the confusion.

Away from all the conflict.

Away from all the messes.

Just away from this place.

And everything it always seems to hold.

I want that. So much.

And in a few weeks, I'm making sure I get at least part of it.

The getting away part.

I can't fucking wait.

Whose getting scared now? Tell me how does it feel?

It feels so good from where I'm standing.
Whose gettin scared now? Piggy, go ahead and squeal.
It sounds so nice from where I'm standing.




Driving home, on long dark roads, well it starts things, and things come, and come they did, and here it came:

We're going down a long, dark road
We're going down a long and lonely road
We don't know where we're going
Don't know where it goes
But we're staying on this long and lonely road.

We're heading down this long, dark lane
We'll go down it through every single day
We'll stay under the boxes in the pouring rain
We're staying in this lane through every day

... so far yeah.


So I don't know.
I never know.
We all know this.
That I don't know.
Not what I want.
Not what I feel.
Not what I need.
Not what I crave (aside certain foods).
Not anything.
I don't know what you want.
Or you.
I don't know why.
I don't know what I am to you.
I know what I thought I was.
But I'm apparently not.
It was nice though.
To find out.
To know.
To know something at least.
Even if it's something I never thought I'd know.
Because I never thought you wouldn't think the same as me.
Well what did I know?
That's right, nothing!
And that's what you get.
"That's what you get when you let your heart win"
No way.
Not again.
Not ever.
Not with any type of hearty instance.
Unless it's like scotch bottle in hearts, that'd be cool.
But no.
Bye Bye I guess.
And you who will most likely think this is about you it's not, so don't fret, but then you who it is about might think it is as well and then think it's not when it is and well that just doesn't work but eh.
Alas I shall begone!

It's my life...

So I'm fucking up my HSC
I'm fucking up my mothers blood pressure from stress about my HSC
from stress about dad going off at her about my HSC
that if it happens she plans on NOT telling me about.
They don't understand that I don't fucking care.
It's my HSC, not his, not hers, I have to make my own fucking choices and mistakes.
I can do it at tafe. I can do it other ways.
I can make it through life without taking this seriously.
Without doing well.
An ATAR is not the be all and end all of my working life.
So I wish they would jsut stop fucking stressing and going off about it.
IT'S MY LIFE TO FUCK UP!

One day I will find motivation for school again. But not now.
I don't know when. And I really don't care.
I'll regret it. I'll beat myself up. But it's my choice and my consequences.

Sorrow looks back, Worry looks around, Faith looks up...

So I have no idea.
Linkin Park was fucking amazing, met some mad people, Bree and her mate, and 'Derogatory' blokes and their sheela's. Was good fun. We got right up the front in the mosh, Sam and I, she got to the rail, one person in front of her, I got 4 people back. We were less than 3 metres from the stage and the band!
It was intense to say the very least. Painful, with the pushing and shoving and surges in the crowd, half the time you were so squashed up to people you couldn't breath and had arms in bad positions in the back and killing your innards, but it was worth it. Even with the extreme oxygen deprivation and such.
They threw out tonnes of picks (plectrums) and about 6 drumsticks, one went right in front of sam and she knew the bloke so she's gonna get it off him lol, and yeah we didn't get anything but Bree's mate did.
Scored a phone battery off the ground too lol, while we were scouring for leftover picks.
Was bloody mad, but the sweat was discusting. We were soaked and smelt so bad driving home after >_< was so horrible. But worth it :D
Got me a mad arse shirt too :D

Basically the view we had :D with a few heads in the way but still, was freaking mad


Anyway to a normal blog post.. ish
Went to art excursion and met up with the class there, some people are freaks of nature with their talent! I'm quite jealous. Then had fuck arounds with work, that was just peachy, screwed over my mood and I had to walk away before I punched her. Which probably will just score me another meeting with the boss >_<
Went to school and caught up with people, had 2 run/flying tackle hugs from Bek and Bea xx and one tackle coat hanger my neck run up whatever the hell it was from Andrew following the crowd >_< my neck does hurt from that, could just be from moshing, but I dunno.
I had like a massive adrenaline rush then, whilst at school, running between groups, shoe fights with Andrew, chasing him around to get back Bek's phone, throwing his shoe into one of the big Kiewa st trees, and then him having to boost me up to get it back out >_< it was mad fun :D
Hanging at Bek's with Bea and her, and Harvey and Talli, and Bea running from them, lol was priceless  :D haha ily

And then I got petrol. Filled my tank. And realised my cashcard was still on my bed from the concert last night. So I had to mess around trying to sort out how the shit I was going to pay for my fuel >_< But the lady was nice and took my details and mum dropped in after work and paid for me :)

And got home. And put roast on. And mood plummeted. Well it was starting to at Bek's anyway. But yeah.
Through the floor and to the other side of the world. I don't know why. Possibly just adrenaline rush ended and I had massive side effects.
But still.
I then just searched wise quotes on google, and here are some I found. Because I don't knwo what to do with anything, or how to live my life the way I want, how to figure out how I want to live it.

 - I don’t know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

 - never trust anyone completely, you are bound to get deceived

 - Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

 - I don’t know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

 - Never forget what a man says to you when he is angry.

 - A winner listens, a loser just waits until it is their turn to talk.

 - Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian, anymore than standing in your garage makes you a car.

 - Opportunities slide away like clouds.

I think this is a bloody long enough blog today, but ramble I do and ramble I did. Happens when my heads a mess like this. Eh, I like the quotes, that is all.

This is not what I had planned, it's out of my control...

So my HSC is pretty much screwed by just this term.
I've royally effed it up already and I know I could get my head in the game and get going good and proper but I just can't find the motivation, even the concept of doing well to get a good career to get money for the amazing cars I want isn't working. I just can't be stuffed with any of it anymore.
And my chances of doing decent are dwindling rapidly with my inaction towards assessments etc.
My mind is just retarded.
When I need it to do one thing, it does the opposite.
When I need to study I can't and back in the day I could.
When I need to be able to make decisions and be independent I can't manage it.
When I need to be strong I depend on others.
I just can't do it.
This ditch is currently too bloody deep and thorn ridden, not to mention the flooding and mud and sludge.
It is impossible to get out, even with the help I have.
I just hope one day I will before I keep pulling everyone in with me and ruin them as well.

I'm repeating this image because I feel the need. Well I don't I was just compelled to add it again because I love it so much and all that jazziness and stuff. I can't help it being me, dress or not.

I want the peace!!!.. Love, Hate.

Ok so. Muse then normal down bottom.
Thursday night train to Sydney, got next to no sleep, came to the conclusion - after seeing and hearing fireworks every time I looked out the window during the trip - that I have officially achieved the task of going crazy.
Friday, got to Sydney I think 7ish, roaming streets looking for a plce that was open for food etc and then we just roamed the streets (with heavy bags on backs the whole day >_<) most of the day. We ended up in Allen's music store for a good 2 hours, left about 12/12:30 for lunch and then we checked into the Formula 1 hotel and crashed for a few hours, out like a light I was.
Then.... we found Wulfi, got dinner, and headed to MUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Biffy Clyro supported and we freaking amazing as well, the mosh was gay but and wouldn't get into it for them. But towers for muse! and we were only about 50m away on the side, and they spazzed again! Matt sliding over stage on his knees and Dom making faces at the camera when he could see it on him, Chris with his most intensely amazing headbanging getting all into his Bass.
Matt had his mirror guitar at one point, all lights out with one spotlight hitting his guitar and he directed it over the crowd and made a mexican wave of it, was awesome, and just wow it was fucking wicked as shit and the solos and just going on and on and on after a song ended and having flase endings and Dom and Chris not even knowing when it was going to end and Dom collapsing on his drum kit after the massive intense one.
Just far out my golly goshikers was fucking heaven!
Unfortunately though, none of us remembered our cameras so no photos :( none good anyway. Chris in black and red pinstripe suit, Dom in a wetsuit (lol) and Matt in a silver suit :D just was amazing, and I could go on and on and even on-er than I already have but god it's so hard to stop!!!


AND THEN!!!!!!!!!!! today, roaming, went back into Allen's, speaking to fella about the concert and he says DOM WAS IN ALLEN'S A MERE 2 HOURS AFTER WE LEFT YESTERDAY!!!! 2 HOURS! I WALKED THE GROUND HE WALKED! BREATHED THE AIR HE BREATHED!!! HAHAHAHAHA not >_< 2 hours :( could have stayed 2 hours and I could have met him, and raped him, and got him to sign my jeans, and photos, and erugh >_< they were even possibly going back in there today, but we couldn't hang around D: it was so gutwrenching to leave :(
One day. One day I will have my justice served. And now, bask in the epicness of MUSE :D

ok so Dom, on his tower, in I think the same wetsuit/lycra suit he had on for ours, and the smoke hmmm I can't remember what that was during, OH again, more, THEY PLAYED BLISS AND BUTTERFLIES AND HURRICANES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah :D

The towers, we were like right where this text is and up a bit

wetsuit again :D

 Back in the day, our age, 17ishness :D hahahaa so cute lol

Matt's sliding!! we scored a lot of this :D

I'm thinking I should quite before I just put up ALL of my pictures lol... :D was fucking awesome!!

Love. Hate.

The passion is so similiar,

the seem to fluctuate.

Live. Kill.

So contradictory are they,

I go in for the thrill.

Pain. Loss.

Both so frequent in this world,

you must be your own boss.

Friend. Foe.

So difficult to establish,

do you ever truely know?

Betrayal. Trust.

They make and break each other,

so fueled by insufficient lust.

Moral. Cliche.

Society decides on these,

we never have a say.

They say that opposites attract,

but do they ever stay intact?

Katrina found this on deviantart and it reminded her of me, I love it, to absolute bits, because it is me.
And it always will be. It's good to have an image to depict that from.

So, you. Yes you. You know who you are and your name is now you. Because I really cannot be fucked anymore. I don't understand how the reasoning that I have in my head that I can understand from what has happened can actually be that bad. I understand past transgressions may have made the situation maybe deja-vu-ish for you. But why could we not talk about it? I was going to give you the chance you have been striving for all these years. I had pretty much decided those past 2 days before you did it and it's pretty much gone now because I don't get it. At all. And I miss it, I do, I miss our talks and our relationship. You plague my thoughts a lot of the time. Get my poetry mojo spinning at least. But even during muse you popped in there with lyrics and such. But really, just make me understand. Please.

You've lost everything, especially me.

I've looked right past the simple things
What have my eyes missed?

Stuck in a space where nothing seems to fit
You live a myth, obsessed with it
Quiet as the sound
I'm always asking what it means
And now I can't stop twisting round and round

I've grown into this
This myth with you

I can't stop twisting around this storyline
Distorting my insides
I won't forget I'm drenched in it

'Cause I can't stop twisting around this storyline
Tangled words were never mine
I won't forget I'm lost in it

Slowly bending backwards
Til my days become misshaped

You deftly sway my thoughts with your fictitious ways

Nothing in me works the same
You've got a lot to explain

Still I'm asking
And still I can't stop twisting

I've grown into this myth with you

I can't stop twisting around this storyline
Distorting my insides
I won't forget I'm drenched in it
'Cause I can't stop twisting around this storyline
Tangled words were never mine
I won't forget I'm lost in it

Knots and crosses
Skews
I fold in two
With this road we take
I've lost all control of everything, especially me

You've lost everything, especially me

You bite my tongue
Now I believe

I can't stop twisting around this storyline
Distorting my insides
I won't forget I'm drenched in it
'Cause I can't stop twisting around this storyline
Tangled words were never mine
I won't forget I'm lost in it

Mythology - VersaEmerge

It's time to end this god forsaken myth. You say you love me, yet you fight the person who is only trying to protect me. How is that love? If you did, you would understand where she was coming from. You would understand and stop fighting because she is right.

I was going to choose you, you know. I was going to move past my fucked upedness and try and make something work between us.

No.

Fuck. That.

Fuck this. I'm over it. You say she/we are being immature teenage girls, but look at yourself and the way you are handling things. The way you did just up and flee when there was a challenge and someone there to approve you or not. The way you say you would have done anything for me, stuck by me through my complications, yes you did, for a very long time and I do realise that, yes I gave you an extremely hard time all these years, yes I have been pushing you away all these years. But I thought you could see that I was trying now.

I thought we had talked about this.

Obviously not.

I'm sorry but really, this is done. It cannot be healthy for either of us.

Goodbye.

I'm sorry, I love you :(

It's times like this I think, "what have I done?"

What have I become?

Who have I become?

When did I turn into this person?

Why can't I change back?

I'm sorry.

My procrastination never did bring any good,

And this just proves it.

Now that it seems you are gone,

My feelings seem impossibly clearer. I think.

They seem to reflect anguish and loss.

And love.

I can see how it was so hard,

And I do understand, as I said.

This isn't to make you feel bad,

It's just my venting, getting things out.

Because when I need them,

It seems my tears have finally dried up.

It's not to stop the ache though,

In whatever form.

I'm sorry.

I still don't know exactly how much,

Or to what extent,

But I do love you.

I'm sorry that I hurt you so much :(

I don't understand!

I don't I really don't and I want to and I try but I don't and I can't and it multiplies and divides out and is timesed back in and squared and think up the most complicated stupid confusing maths equation and make it 50 times worse and then you have me. And my head. And my crap.

There is 1 and 2, the usuals. Then 3 came along. And 4, from ages ago came back. And none of it is helping! I get so confused and attention grabbing and all that I can't figure any of my mind out and any of this out and any of anything out. And yet I keep trying to help everyone with their problems too and I'm probably only making them worse because anything that comes out of my mouth never makes any sense and turns all weird and screwed up anyway.

Why can't things ever be normal?
Why can't any of us ever be happy?
Get what we want.
Why can't things be simple, choices, feelings.
Why can't any of it just make sense.

"Life's not fair is it?.." - Scar, Lion King, opening scene with his 'lunch' the mouse that "shall never see the light of another day"

It's just not.

We don't know where we're going...

We don't know who we are...

Yeah, those lyrics, keep sticking with me.
So it's been a long time, crossroads, and just haven't been able to think of stuff to write.
Crossroads was better than expected, there were ups and downs, and things that just added to the already messed up confusion of my mind.
Unexpected and unwanted bitterness.
Fights and being upset/pissed off.
Having a blast and laughing and having fun and mucking around.
There were a lot of different things going on for everyone, good and bad.
But it was better than expected.

I'm still bloody confused about everything, who/what I want. Crossroads added to that, as did some other stuff tonight. I can't make up my mind or figure any of it out.
There's a person that I don't want to turn out like, and I fear I may, there are multiple people actually that I am scared of becoming. I hate that, and people tell me I'm nothing like them and I won't, but I still fear it, and I still worry that I will, always.
I worry about my friends too. I try and help with their problems, I try and be there, I want to help and be there. But sometimes again I feel I'm not the right person for doign that considering how messed up I am myself. And maybe my focusing on other people's problems is a way of avoiding my own.
But I like it, I like helping.
I hate watching people I care about suffer and I just want to make things better whatever way I can.

I am greedy I think, I want whatever I can get. Whatever affection is given to me I don't want to give up. And that is my worst trait. I hate it. It hurts people. It screws people over. It hurts people I care about and just causes the problems that I then can't fix because I made them.

I don't even know what I'm going on about anymore, I came into this blog just writing, because I haven't in so long, and it just turned into rambling, it probably will make no sense. But oh well. Neither does my mind :/

It's just a big wide world of crazy out there. And sometimes the only way to survive is behind our masks.